Seclusion is not isolation, Xichen reminds himself. It can be, but his seclusion is voluntary and not the same as the punishment given to his brother on the eve of Nightless City.
His seclusion is a withdrawal from society, a step back from duties and responsibilities to reflect. He is not unlike his father, though the difference is that Qingheng Jun had withdrawn after heartbreak. There are whispers that Zewu Jun has abandoned his sect out of more selfish reasons, because he was a fool who had been blind as he helped a wolf lead the sheep to slaughter. Xichen has not heard them himself, of course, but he knows that the gentry clans can be far from kind.
His duties have fallen to his Uncle, for his brother has stepped into the shoes of Chief Cultivator. His nephew is traveling and Xichen has yet broached the topic of his secession with the boy. His father is the first obstacle, after all.
So.
That leaves him to spend his days within the four walls of his self-picked prison, with the windows shut now that the summer has given way to fall and the rains have come.
Dressed in only one layer on top of his inner robes, Xichen's hair is pulled back in a plait that lays down his back, his forehead ribbon the only adornment he has worn in -- he is not sure how much time has passed.
He is expecting the quiet sound of footsteps outside his door, of a junior disciple placing a tray of food outside the door. That's not what greets his ears at all, instead it is the sound of stomping and hushed voices insisting that 'Zewu Jun is not to be disturbed!' to someone new.
Oh.
Ohohohoh.
That is also not who he expects at all, outside his door.
By the conditions he has set for himself, Xichen has only seen his Uncle and Brother. He should certainly not open the door when he hears Jiang Wanyin call out his name. He should remain where he is, seated in a failed attempt at meditation. He should. And yet-- he is sliding the door open before he realizes it, heart pounding in his chest.
"Sect Leader Jiang?" he asks, aware -- all too late -- of his state of dress and how hoarse his voice sounds.
How unfortunate Zewu Jun looks. And it breaks his heart. Wanyin narrows his eyes at the state of undress Zewu Jun is in and how hoarse his voice is.
The Lan disciples that were trying and failing at keeping Wanyin away from the residence and shouting at it immediately fall silent and bow in deference to their Sect Leader with hushed echoes of "Zewu Jun." He knows they're averting their eyes to avoid seeing their Sect Leader's state of undress.
Wanyin does not bow. Wanyin does not scurry away as soon as Zewu Jun makes his appearance. Wanyin looks at Lan Xichen right in the eyes. Wanyin looks irate as ever. He takes the tray of food from one of them with no sense of grace or demureness, nor does he break eye contact with Xichen. He stomps up the steps and onto the veranda and pushes past Lan Xichen, into his residence.
He sets the tray of food down on his table with a clang and rolls up his sleeves, setting out the dishes and carefully brewing water for tea.
"Well? Are you going to welcome in a sect leader or stand there, scandalizing your disciples?"
As the scene unfolds, it is years of practice at hiding behind a smile that keeps Xichen from letting forth a burst of hysterical laughter. This must be a dream, for there is no logical explanation as to why Jiang Wanyin is at his door, accosting his food from the junior disciples and now setting the table for a meal.
Xichen himself has either lost his whits in his seclusion or he is dreaming.
It is beyond reason. Still, if it is by some miracle not a dream, then it would be improper to send Sect Leader Jiang home. It would be a bigger insult to his clan, look poorly on Gusu Lan as well. Though, if he lets himself down the spiral, he has done plenty that has caused the man in front of a great deal of loss already.
He dips his head to the disciples, who bow and scurry like some of Wangji's rabbits in a quest for safety.
Then, he is left in his home, with Jiang Wanyin. Who does not pull his punches. It is refreshing, after the ocean of lies he now knows he has lived with, but it is nearly too soon.
"Please, make yourself comfortable, Sect Leader Jiang. This Sect Leader welcomes you." Because for all his poise and manners, Lan Xichen is not the only Twin Jade of Lan prone to pettiness.
He asks, shutting the door behind himself as he makes his way to where Jiang Wanyin is already settled. "What brings you to this sect leader's home, Sect Leader Jiang?"
Wanyin wears his heart on his sleeve. More often than not, that heart is angry but he knows how to look after others. Sometimes, it's a little difficult for others to see which was which. Some days, it's Jiang Cheng himself. But right now, he has his duties as a fellow sect leader.
The quick shuffle of feet tell him that the disciples had walked off, for Lan Disciples do not run at Cloud Recesses. He hears the pettiness in Xichens' voice and almost wants to laugh at him for it. Like brother like brother, after all. No doubt, the disciples will chatter along themselves and let Wei Wuxian know and he'd come running as well, surprised at Jiang Cheng's presence at Cloud Recesses.
Once the dishes and plates are set out, he sets the tray on the floor, aside, then huffs as he makes a show of sitting down at the table. He turns his gaze to Xichen.
"Isn't it obvious? I'm here to ensure that Sect Leader Lan does not waste food nor allow himself to waste away in his own home."
As part of the gentry, he had heard of how Qingheng Jun secluded himself away from his sons and from the rest of the Lan and refused to let someone that he respected follow down the same path. He looks around and makes loud noises of disapproval.
"And you haven't even kept this place neat! When was the last time you even practiced with your sword?"
Xichen is sure he is dreaming, so this time he does not keep the confusion on his face hidden behind the mask of calm and collectedness. "Pardon?" Lans do not squawk like chickens, but it is a near thing.
He feels, more than he has during his time alone, like a fish out of water.
A part of him wants to laugh.
In all this time, Xichen has been left with worries and guilt. He has walked through every memory, seen it from a new angle and berated himself for how foolish he had been. How fooled. He wonders now, if any part that A--no, that Jin Guangyao had showed him had been real at all. Had he laughed to himself, when Lan Xichen stood up for him and defended him over and over, praised each idea as he saw at face value.
"Jiang Wanyin. What business is it of the Jiang Sect, if I have kept my home in order or not?" he manages, ignoring the food for now. "I am, as the disciples have no doubt reminded you, in seclusion."
"For months. You have been in seclusion for months."
He doesn't know how to show his care. Gentle had never been a word that had described him. At all. Ever. He's sure that Zewu Jun had been well aware that he had been in seclusion for so many months. Wanyin looks like he's physically struggling to say something.
"It is our duty to look out for our own sects and to look out for each other as leaders. Who else would understand all that comes with being a sect leader than another sect leader?"
They had been through so much together, it was only natural that he cared about him to be concerned about this isolation. Wanyin clenches his fists and looks at Xichen, trying to soften his expression.
"Can I not worry about you?" he grits through his teeth. "Or is there such a rule in Gusu that forbids it?"
And that---that is not at all what Xichen expects.
Oh.
For all the indignation that had bubbled to the surface, so unlike himself, Lan Xichen deflates quickly. Not to the mask of deference, a smile pulling the corners of his lips and not quite reaching his eyes, but to confusion and then, surprising even himself, it is gratefulness that washes through him.
It is not that he has been left completely alone, that no one cares. On the contrary, his Uncle watches him with disappointment but does not try to drive him from the path he has chosen. His Uncle is too stringent in the way he has followed the Wall of Discipline his whole life, has not strayed. He had devoted himself to keeping Wangji on the righteous path, now it hurts him to realize it was the wrong brother he had failed to lead astray.
With Wangji, it is a different matter. His brother will also not pull him from this room, but he does try. Their weekly tea sessions are a battle of wills, where Wangji has taken to bringing letters he receives as Chief Cultivator along to ask for his brother's advice. Sometimes, he suggests the course of action in response that he knows will drive Xichen toward a response. Thus far, he has managed to hold his tongue.
It is refreshing, to have someone not try to skirt around the so familiar rules that dictate these paths and hallways. That Jiang Wanyin has burst into his rooms, because he is worried. It eases something in Xichen's chest he had not realized was there; there is no ulterior motive here. No trick. This is not a critique, though it is an invasion.
He softens and the corns of his lips do twitch, the ghost of a smile. "No," he speaks finally, slightly shaking his head. "No rules against it and I thank you for your concern, Jiang Wanyin. Truly."
There is a but on his lips, yet he cannot voice it. "It has been months but there are no limits for seclusion. It is not a matter of time." It feels like a poor explanation, one that he would not elaborate on in another life. But that one has passed and, if he is honest with himself, Xichen misses talking to people. He is not suited to isolation, to silence, like his brother is. "Nor is my seclusion wholly about shortcomings I may have as Sect Leader. Though, I do expect that as a Sect Leader, you can see how I have fallen short in looking after my own sect, my fellow sect leaders, and those around me."
That is the thing that keeps him within these walls, in the end. That if he had been better, had noticed, had been less of a fool, perhaps the man in front of him would have had his brother all along, his sister and brother-in-law as well.
"We are still human. We still make mistakes," he responds easily. "I can see how you've fallen short. I can also see how you can stand tall again."
Honestly, why did he even come here? He should have tasked Huaisang or even Wuxian to come to speak with Xichen. But once again, his own hot blood got the better of him, driving Wanyin to come all the way out and up the mountain to--
He presses his lips together. How could he explain to Xichen? It takes time to forgive oneself. It isn't done easily in seclusion.
"Your food is getting cold. You should eat it."
He lifts the tea cup to his lips and sips at it, carefully watching him out of the corner of his eye.
"You can see how I can stand tall? How? I would argue that these were not merely mistakes," he counters, voice even as he looks down that the table in front of them instead of the other man. "My mistakes have cost you dearly as well."
It is not the tactful thing to say, nor the kindest.
Seclusion and grief have not made Xichen kind, nor able to hold his tongue. It is refreshing, though, to hear the other man speak as if there is a way to overcome this mountain. Then again, it is not a secret that Jiang Wanyin overcame a mountain on his own and here Lan Xichen sits, unable to overcome it with a whole sect behind him. Shame heats his cheeks and he lets out a soft sigh, embarrassed as the younger man watches him over his tea.
He is not hungry, if he is honest with himself, but the quiet of a meal is a welcome distraction. Though, he is certain that Jiang Wanyin will not follow this rule.
"Thank you," he says it slowly, on the wings of a shaky breath as he reaches for the meal. It is cold, he realizes as he takes the first bite, but he will eat it.
Eating is the first step to pull one out of the depths that he imagines Xichen is in. It's a depth that Wanyin is familiar with himself. There is no speaking during eating and Wanyin honors that, quietly sipping at his own tea until Xichen finishes his meal.
He knows that Xichen's blindness caused his pain. But it was Jin Guanyao that had caused that blindness in the first place. They were all fooled and played by such a mastermind.
When he finally puts his bowl and chopsticks down, Wanyin places his cup down.
"Don't you think, because of the cost I paid, I would be able to understand what you have gone through? Partially if not completely?" he asks. "It's not the same betrayal and pain. But they are both recognizable beyond what those out there can recognize."
He'd never been good with words, less so around Zewu Jun.
It is a pleasant surprise, that the only sound that fills the Hanshi is the scrape of chopsticks against his bowl. Xichen sets his bowl down when he is finished, feeling a bit lighter than he had a short time before.
Physically heavier, yes, but it is a task that he has accomplished. One that he would not have, if not for Jiang Wanyin.
The other's mans words floor him. Xichen is sure that he cannot keep the shock from his face this time, that he is giving himself away in a way that he has only shown two others and those men are gone from this world. One at the hands of another.
"I---" and what can he say to that? It is the truth, he knows it. If there is anyone in this world that understand what is it like to be so wholly betrayed by a man one calls a brother, even if they all know now that that was not the case, it is Jiang Wanyin.
"You are right, Wanyin," he looks up at the other man finally, bridging the space that has formed between them. Perhaps it is not his place to be so familiar, but then again, are they not bound in this loss? "I wish we did not share this burden but, you are right, it is one only you and I understand. I am afraid that I do not know how to navigate it."
It's uncomfortable for him to be vulnerable. Wanyin looks at Xichen.
"Now you're lucky that I have informed my sect that I will be here for a week, at the very least. My presence is needed in Gusu, clearly and sorely."
He hopes that Xichen could see that it's all bravado and bluster. He isn't actually chastising Zewu Jun. But it simply is how he shows affection for anyone.
"In that week, we will help you navigate through this. To understand that this is a mountain you can conquer and climb. You'll come out the other side closer to being whole again." He looks at Zewu Jun in the eye, determined. "You will never be the same as you were before. But you will learn how to be that new you."
Xichen wonders then, how different things would have been if Jiang Wanyin had not been alone. He cannot blame Jin Guangyao for this, for it was Lan Xichen who only called on two men to take the oath with him to become sworn brothers.
He is not sure that he remembers correctly, if Jin Guangyao had been the one to sow doubt in his mind. To make reaching out feel like an offense to his brother, a slight to a man who had lost so so much at the end of Jiang Wanyin's sword.
That too, is shameful. "If I argue that a week is too long, I am sure you will not listen, and.. I find, that I cannot find it in myself to argue."
"Was that a wisdom imparted on you?" he asks, hoping that it is something that Jiang Wanyin is repeating because it was once said to him. In the silence that follows, Xichen reaches across the table to pour the both of them more tea.
Good. He's glad that Xichen doesn't find it in himself to argue against Wanyin's presence there. He'll need to set up a room for himself at the inn in Caiyi and make sure he makes the journey up to Cloud Recesses each day. But he knows he must. For Xichen's sake. To have him know that he isn't alone in such pain.
He stiffens a little at the question on whether or not it was a wisdom that had been imparted on him. Wanyin does not break his gaze from watching Xichen.
"No."
Xichen had enough people lying to him. And Wanyin would be damned if he was another person who would do so. His answer is firm, truthful.
The answer is not a surprise, but it still draws a flinch out of the elder. Xichen is no longer the immaculate Sect Leader once held in esteem, not right now.
It is almost liberating, not to hold himself together in front of the other man. Even with his Uncle and Wangji, Xichen is left holding himself together at the seams. Every glimpse behind the mask seems to break his Brothers heart. Now, sitting in front of Jiang Wanyin in his undertones, hair unwashed. He has at least remembered to put his forehead ribbon on. On another day, he may have been caught without it.
“Ah. Well. Thank you for sharing it with me,” he says slowly, finding the bluntness and force behind the answer a welcome change.
“When you retire for the night, the one of the disciples will take you to the guest quarters. I am sure an appropriate set of rooms can be prepared for at least a week. I will let His Excellency know tomorrow that longer accommodation may be needed.” It will be a good warning for Wangji, who will likely let Jiang Wanyin’s brother know of their guest.
With that decision, he nods. Wanyin takes the opportunity to fully see the state that Xichen is in. His resolve is set. Wanyin quietly gets up and not quite stomps over to the door. He opens it and closes it behind him.
His voice could be heard even through the closed door: "send word to the inn in Caiyi town that I will not be staying there. Bring water for a bath."
Though his voice is, as always, full of sharp bite, he places a gentle hand on the Lan disciple's shoulders, assuring quietly that he will take care of their Zewu Jun for a bit.
Once they run off, he enters the Hanshi again and levels his gaze with Zewu Jun. As harsh as his face and his words can be, there is care in his eyes, a plea to him to not be Zewu Jun, as it held so much rigidity and expectation to it, nor to be Lan Xichen, one of the Twin Jades.
He takes a seat again and picks up the cup of tea, breaking his gaze to look at the tea itself.
"...you could call me Jiang Cheng," he says quietly. "Here, we are equals and friends."
When Jiang Wanyin steps away, Xichen takes a deep breath and reaches for his tea.
He does not hear the request for a bath, instead loses himself in the moment and sudden quiet. He’s tired, he realizes. So tired after having been in the company of another for so long, after speaking so much.
When he opens his eyes, Jiang Wanyin is sitting in front of him. He repeats the other man’s name, slowly as it settles on his tongue. Are they friends? They could be. Xichen finds that he wants them to be more than he should. “Lan Huan.” He offers his own and it is strange on his lips. Everyone who has called him that is dead.
The name is foreign, possibly because he had never heard that name before. The man before him had always been Zewu Jun or Lan Xichen. With his eyes closed like that, he wonders if his personality is trying to Xichen. He knows it to be so for many people. Still, he presses on.
"As your friend, Lan Huan, I must inform you that you stink."
There's a twitch at the corner of Jiang Cheng's lips, even though he tries so hard to be serious about it.
"I've asked for a bath to be drawn up for you. I trust you would be able to wash yourself. If you refuse, I will be forced to make sure that you bathe correctly and wash your hair correctly."
The brashness, the boldness of the words are what has a soft laugh bubbling up through Xichen’s chest. He lifts his hand, covers his mouth with the sleeve as it is followed by more soft laughter. It is not the laugh he would have shared before but it has been months since he has dreamed of laughter at all.
“I can manage that myself, Jiang Cheng. I am not completely useless,” though maybe he is, he isn’t quite so sure.
“Even though you’ve found me in this state...” He is sorry. It is unbecoming of a Sect leader but he is in seclusion and Jiang Cheng did burst into his home. He is sure, tired as he is, he can manage a bath so that he is more put together for their next meeting.
Having the other man assist him is too intimate, saved for a spouse, a lover. They have only just crossed over to birth names and while he knows his own tastes, he is not of the mind to let himself consider the bold offer as anything but a gruff threat between new friends. This is where the line is firmly drawn in the sand, for the sake of his on pride.
He counts the laughter as a win in his book. The fact that Huan-ge was able to laugh and laugh enough that he needs to cover his mouth for the laugh is a step in the right direction.
This state is not one that is surprising. In his darkest moments, Jiang Cheng refused to come out of his rooms, wallowing, instead, in his own sadness and heartbreak. It had been difficult and the expectations of others had been a lot to bear. He was alone in dealing with that and he didn't want the same fate for Huan-ge. A bath was a start. A meal was a start.
He gives a scoff. "Good."
Cheng crosses his arms and waits for the water to be brought up for the bath, considering his next few steps of his plan. Freshening up the Hanshi, perhaps, while Huan-ge bathed.
"Perhaps I could come by day to day, discuss what has been happening in the world with you. I need someone to talk to and I don't want Wei Wuxian to bother me of his matters."
"I would like that," Xichen nodded, shoulders feeling lighter than they had before the laughter had been drawn from his chest. He is not lying when he says it, though there is a hint of amusement as Jiang Cheng mentions his brother.
It's not his place to meddle, to inquire about Jiang Cheng's relationship with his brother. Still, they are friends and as complicated as things are amongst family, he hopes the he will hear that Jiang Cheng has talked to his brother while staying in the Cloud Recess. "I do not wish to take up all your time, Jiang Cheng, and Master Wei is hard to avoid when determined."
There is a knock on the door then, the voice of disciples on the other side. Xichen pushes himself to his feet, does not force himself to smile beyond the naturally gentle curve of his lips. "I believe that is the bath, which means your duties for the night are complete. I can manage myself and don't wish to keep you."
With the bath already here, he won't let it go to waste. The water will not take long to heat and there is plenty of time before Hai hour, where he can enjoy the bath.
Good. It makes his heart glad to see Huan-ge get up and still have a curve to his lips.
"Then I will return in the morning."
He gets up as well, rolling his sleeves down and picking up his sword, looking every part a sect leader as he walks from the table to the doors. He slides them open and looks at Huan-ge. He doesn't quite want to have him be by himself and yet he understands...these sort of interactions require a build up.
Jiang Cheng hesitates a moment before reaching up to gently squeeze his arm, as gently as he could before making his way past the disciples and away from the Hanshi.
He barely sets foot on the footpath before he loudly starts arguing with Wei Wuxian.
Nearly two weeks later, Xichen finds himself sitting on the veranda in front of the Hanshi. The time since Jiang Cheng's arrival has blurred together, each day leaving him nearly exhausted and somehow more energized than before.
He is not healed, but healing. Not the man he was before, no, but as Jiang Cheng's already extended stay draws to a close, Xichen finds that he feels hopeful. There will be and have been days where he has done little more than hummed a soft response when asked a question, but the mountain before him does not seem to be unscalable.
The fact that he is getting better, how quickly he is getting better, is eating away at his own brother. Xichen can tell, but he does not let his mind drift from the man and afternoon ahead of him.
They are sharing tea today, though wine has also been brought for the Jiang Sect leader. Xichen is suspicious that their brothers are involved, but does not question how it has come within the walls of Cloud Recess. He is not Sect Leader by any means at the moment, though compared to how Jiang Cheng found him, he looks the part. He is dressed in three layers on top of his underrobes, his hair flows down his back and half is tied into a loose ponytail instead of the haphazard braid of the first night. His finery is still locked away, it feels too soon.
"I am sure Lotus Pier is happy at the news you will be returning soon. Though, I also hope your stay here has not been too disruptive and a mountain of paperwork won't be your welcome home," he says, after setting his cup of tea down on the table. What he wants to say is that he will miss the other man, whose company he has grown to greatly enjoy. That he is grateful, though he knows this has been a burden. A selfish part of him, a small voice that Xichen has been trying to silence, wants more time in his company, amongst the deep sound of Jiang Cheng's laughter and the refreshing honesty he brings to each space he enters.
One week had stretched into two weeks. Jiang Cheng found himself sharing so much of himself with Huan-ge. His memories of his boyhood at Lotus Pier, how his clan has been doing with rebuilding their beloved home. It didn't take too long before he started laughing, genuinely laughing and letting his guard down more often than not. He tries not to think on when the last time he had ever been this relaxed around another person was.
Even his spars with Wei Wuxian has been less antagonistic. Wangji, however, he can manage a polite conversation with now. After all they had been through, there were still things that he and Wangji needed to work through.
Taking care of Huan-ge has become something they mutually agreed on.
The jar of Emperor's Smile sits by their table that they had set up on the veranda and Jiang Cheng is happy to see that Huan-ge has come more and more out of his shell, dressing and putting himself together to look more like himself.
"A mountain of paperwork does await for me when I return home, there's very little doubt that there wouldn't be," he snorts. "The stay here has been...peaceful."
The words earn a soft smile, which Xichen does not hide as he lifts his tea cup and takes a sip of tea to keep his hands occupied. The urge to wring them in his lap is unbecoming, though he knows he will find no judgement here.
He hums softly in response, thinking over his words. "Then I am ever more grateful that you came, knowing there would be a mountain at your return."
Without the Grandmaster and Wangji, there would be no doubt that the mountain of paperwork left for Sect Leader Lan would cover the Cloud Recess. He is sure, that without them, Seclusion would not have been possible. That is the double edged sword. "Dealing with a secluded Sect Leader has been peaceful?" he asks, tilting his head slightly. "I am not so sure others would agree, Jiang Cheng."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: let me know if this start works for you <3
His seclusion is a withdrawal from society, a step back from duties and responsibilities to reflect. He is not unlike his father, though the difference is that Qingheng Jun had withdrawn after heartbreak. There are whispers that Zewu Jun has abandoned his sect out of more selfish reasons, because he was a fool who had been blind as he helped a wolf lead the sheep to slaughter. Xichen has not heard them himself, of course, but he knows that the gentry clans can be far from kind.
His duties have fallen to his Uncle, for his brother has stepped into the shoes of Chief Cultivator. His nephew is traveling and Xichen has yet broached the topic of his secession with the boy. His father is the first obstacle, after all.
So.
That leaves him to spend his days within the four walls of his self-picked prison, with the windows shut now that the summer has given way to fall and the rains have come.
Dressed in only one layer on top of his inner robes, Xichen's hair is pulled back in a plait that lays down his back, his forehead ribbon the only adornment he has worn in -- he is not sure how much time has passed.
He is expecting the quiet sound of footsteps outside his door, of a junior disciple placing a tray of food outside the door. That's not what greets his ears at all, instead it is the sound of stomping and hushed voices insisting that 'Zewu Jun is not to be disturbed!' to someone new.
Oh.
Ohohohoh.
That is also not who he expects at all, outside his door.
By the conditions he has set for himself, Xichen has only seen his Uncle and Brother. He should certainly not open the door when he hears Jiang Wanyin call out his name. He should remain where he is, seated in a failed attempt at meditation. He should. And yet-- he is sliding the door open before he realizes it, heart pounding in his chest.
"Sect Leader Jiang?" he asks, aware -- all too late -- of his state of dress and how hoarse his voice sounds.
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The Lan disciples that were trying and failing at keeping Wanyin away from the residence and shouting at it immediately fall silent and bow in deference to their Sect Leader with hushed echoes of "Zewu Jun." He knows they're averting their eyes to avoid seeing their Sect Leader's state of undress.
Wanyin does not bow. Wanyin does not scurry away as soon as Zewu Jun makes his appearance. Wanyin looks at Lan Xichen right in the eyes. Wanyin looks irate as ever. He takes the tray of food from one of them with no sense of grace or demureness, nor does he break eye contact with Xichen. He stomps up the steps and onto the veranda and pushes past Lan Xichen, into his residence.
He sets the tray of food down on his table with a clang and rolls up his sleeves, setting out the dishes and carefully brewing water for tea.
"Well? Are you going to welcome in a sect leader or stand there, scandalizing your disciples?"
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Xichen himself has either lost his whits in his seclusion or he is dreaming.
It is beyond reason. Still, if it is by some miracle not a dream, then it would be improper to send Sect Leader Jiang home. It would be a bigger insult to his clan, look poorly on Gusu Lan as well. Though, if he lets himself down the spiral, he has done plenty that has caused the man in front of a great deal of loss already.
He dips his head to the disciples, who bow and scurry like some of Wangji's rabbits in a quest for safety.
Then, he is left in his home, with Jiang Wanyin. Who does not pull his punches. It is refreshing, after the ocean of lies he now knows he has lived with, but it is nearly too soon.
"Please, make yourself comfortable, Sect Leader Jiang. This Sect Leader welcomes you." Because for all his poise and manners, Lan Xichen is not the only Twin Jade of Lan prone to pettiness.
He asks, shutting the door behind himself as he makes his way to where Jiang Wanyin is already settled. "What brings you to this sect leader's home, Sect Leader Jiang?"
no subject
The quick shuffle of feet tell him that the disciples had walked off, for Lan Disciples do not run at Cloud Recesses. He hears the pettiness in Xichens' voice and almost wants to laugh at him for it. Like brother like brother, after all. No doubt, the disciples will chatter along themselves and let Wei Wuxian know and he'd come running as well, surprised at Jiang Cheng's presence at Cloud Recesses.
Once the dishes and plates are set out, he sets the tray on the floor, aside, then huffs as he makes a show of sitting down at the table. He turns his gaze to Xichen.
"Isn't it obvious? I'm here to ensure that Sect Leader Lan does not waste food nor allow himself to waste away in his own home."
As part of the gentry, he had heard of how Qingheng Jun secluded himself away from his sons and from the rest of the Lan and refused to let someone that he respected follow down the same path. He looks around and makes loud noises of disapproval.
"And you haven't even kept this place neat! When was the last time you even practiced with your sword?"
no subject
He feels, more than he has during his time alone, like a fish out of water.
A part of him wants to laugh.
In all this time, Xichen has been left with worries and guilt. He has walked through every memory, seen it from a new angle and berated himself for how foolish he had been. How fooled. He wonders now, if any part that A--no, that Jin Guangyao had showed him had been real at all. Had he laughed to himself, when Lan Xichen stood up for him and defended him over and over, praised each idea as he saw at face value.
"Jiang Wanyin. What business is it of the Jiang Sect, if I have kept my home in order or not?" he manages, ignoring the food for now. "I am, as the disciples have no doubt reminded you, in seclusion."
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"For months. You have been in seclusion for months."
He doesn't know how to show his care. Gentle had never been a word that had described him. At all. Ever. He's sure that Zewu Jun had been well aware that he had been in seclusion for so many months. Wanyin looks like he's physically struggling to say something.
"It is our duty to look out for our own sects and to look out for each other as leaders. Who else would understand all that comes with being a sect leader than another sect leader?"
They had been through so much together, it was only natural that he cared about him to be concerned about this isolation. Wanyin clenches his fists and looks at Xichen, trying to soften his expression.
"Can I not worry about you?" he grits through his teeth. "Or is there such a rule in Gusu that forbids it?"
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Oh.
For all the indignation that had bubbled to the surface, so unlike himself, Lan Xichen deflates quickly. Not to the mask of deference, a smile pulling the corners of his lips and not quite reaching his eyes, but to confusion and then, surprising even himself, it is gratefulness that washes through him.
It is not that he has been left completely alone, that no one cares. On the contrary, his Uncle watches him with disappointment but does not try to drive him from the path he has chosen. His Uncle is too stringent in the way he has followed the Wall of Discipline his whole life, has not strayed. He had devoted himself to keeping Wangji on the righteous path, now it hurts him to realize it was the wrong brother he had failed to lead astray.
With Wangji, it is a different matter. His brother will also not pull him from this room, but he does try. Their weekly tea sessions are a battle of wills, where Wangji has taken to bringing letters he receives as Chief Cultivator along to ask for his brother's advice. Sometimes, he suggests the course of action in response that he knows will drive Xichen toward a response. Thus far, he has managed to hold his tongue.
It is refreshing, to have someone not try to skirt around the so familiar rules that dictate these paths and hallways. That Jiang Wanyin has burst into his rooms, because he is worried. It eases something in Xichen's chest he had not realized was there; there is no ulterior motive here. No trick. This is not a critique, though it is an invasion.
He softens and the corns of his lips do twitch, the ghost of a smile. "No," he speaks finally, slightly shaking his head. "No rules against it and I thank you for your concern, Jiang Wanyin. Truly."
There is a but on his lips, yet he cannot voice it. "It has been months but there are no limits for seclusion. It is not a matter of time." It feels like a poor explanation, one that he would not elaborate on in another life. But that one has passed and, if he is honest with himself, Xichen misses talking to people. He is not suited to isolation, to silence, like his brother is. "Nor is my seclusion wholly about shortcomings I may have as Sect Leader. Though, I do expect that as a Sect Leader, you can see how I have fallen short in looking after my own sect, my fellow sect leaders, and those around me."
That is the thing that keeps him within these walls, in the end. That if he had been better, had noticed, had been less of a fool, perhaps the man in front of him would have had his brother all along, his sister and brother-in-law as well.
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Honestly, why did he even come here? He should have tasked Huaisang or even Wuxian to come to speak with Xichen. But once again, his own hot blood got the better of him, driving Wanyin to come all the way out and up the mountain to--
He presses his lips together. How could he explain to Xichen? It takes time to forgive oneself. It isn't done easily in seclusion.
"Your food is getting cold. You should eat it."
He lifts the tea cup to his lips and sips at it, carefully watching him out of the corner of his eye.
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It is not the tactful thing to say, nor the kindest.
Seclusion and grief have not made Xichen kind, nor able to hold his tongue. It is refreshing, though, to hear the other man speak as if there is a way to overcome this mountain. Then again, it is not a secret that Jiang Wanyin overcame a mountain on his own and here Lan Xichen sits, unable to overcome it with a whole sect behind him. Shame heats his cheeks and he lets out a soft sigh, embarrassed as the younger man watches him over his tea.
He is not hungry, if he is honest with himself, but the quiet of a meal is a welcome distraction. Though, he is certain that Jiang Wanyin will not follow this rule.
"Thank you," he says it slowly, on the wings of a shaky breath as he reaches for the meal. It is cold, he realizes as he takes the first bite, but he will eat it.
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He knows that Xichen's blindness caused his pain. But it was Jin Guanyao that had caused that blindness in the first place. They were all fooled and played by such a mastermind.
When he finally puts his bowl and chopsticks down, Wanyin places his cup down.
"Don't you think, because of the cost I paid, I would be able to understand what you have gone through? Partially if not completely?" he asks. "It's not the same betrayal and pain. But they are both recognizable beyond what those out there can recognize."
He'd never been good with words, less so around Zewu Jun.
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Physically heavier, yes, but it is a task that he has accomplished. One that he would not have, if not for Jiang Wanyin.
The other's mans words floor him. Xichen is sure that he cannot keep the shock from his face this time, that he is giving himself away in a way that he has only shown two others and those men are gone from this world. One at the hands of another.
"I---" and what can he say to that? It is the truth, he knows it. If there is anyone in this world that understand what is it like to be so wholly betrayed by a man one calls a brother, even if they all know now that that was not the case, it is Jiang Wanyin.
"You are right, Wanyin," he looks up at the other man finally, bridging the space that has formed between them. Perhaps it is not his place to be so familiar, but then again, are they not bound in this loss? "I wish we did not share this burden but, you are right, it is one only you and I understand. I am afraid that I do not know how to navigate it."
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It's uncomfortable for him to be vulnerable. Wanyin looks at Xichen.
"Now you're lucky that I have informed my sect that I will be here for a week, at the very least. My presence is needed in Gusu, clearly and sorely."
He hopes that Xichen could see that it's all bravado and bluster. He isn't actually chastising Zewu Jun. But it simply is how he shows affection for anyone.
"In that week, we will help you navigate through this. To understand that this is a mountain you can conquer and climb. You'll come out the other side closer to being whole again." He looks at Zewu Jun in the eye, determined. "You will never be the same as you were before. But you will learn how to be that new you."
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He is not sure that he remembers correctly, if Jin Guangyao had been the one to sow doubt in his mind. To make reaching out feel like an offense to his brother, a slight to a man who had lost so so much at the end of Jiang Wanyin's sword.
That too, is shameful. "If I argue that a week is too long, I am sure you will not listen, and.. I find, that I cannot find it in myself to argue."
"Was that a wisdom imparted on you?" he asks, hoping that it is something that Jiang Wanyin is repeating because it was once said to him. In the silence that follows, Xichen reaches across the table to pour the both of them more tea.
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He stiffens a little at the question on whether or not it was a wisdom that had been imparted on him. Wanyin does not break his gaze from watching Xichen.
"No."
Xichen had enough people lying to him. And Wanyin would be damned if he was another person who would do so. His answer is firm, truthful.
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It is almost liberating, not to hold himself together in front of the other man. Even with his Uncle and Wangji, Xichen is left holding himself together at the seams. Every glimpse behind the mask seems to break his Brothers heart. Now, sitting in front of Jiang Wanyin in his undertones, hair unwashed. He has at least remembered to put his forehead ribbon on. On another day, he may have been caught without it.
“Ah. Well. Thank you for sharing it with me,” he says slowly, finding the bluntness and force behind the answer a welcome change.
“When you retire for the night, the one of the disciples will take you to the guest quarters. I am sure an appropriate set of rooms can be prepared for at least a week. I will let His Excellency know tomorrow that longer accommodation may be needed.” It will be a good warning for Wangji, who will likely let Jiang Wanyin’s brother know of their guest.
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His voice could be heard even through the closed door: "send word to the inn in Caiyi town that I will not be staying there. Bring water for a bath."
Though his voice is, as always, full of sharp bite, he places a gentle hand on the Lan disciple's shoulders, assuring quietly that he will take care of their Zewu Jun for a bit.
Once they run off, he enters the Hanshi again and levels his gaze with Zewu Jun. As harsh as his face and his words can be, there is care in his eyes, a plea to him to not be Zewu Jun, as it held so much rigidity and expectation to it, nor to be Lan Xichen, one of the Twin Jades.
He takes a seat again and picks up the cup of tea, breaking his gaze to look at the tea itself.
"...you could call me Jiang Cheng," he says quietly. "Here, we are equals and friends."
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He does not hear the request for a bath, instead loses himself in the moment and sudden quiet. He’s tired, he realizes. So tired after having been in the company of another for so long, after speaking so much.
When he opens his eyes, Jiang Wanyin is sitting in front of him. He repeats the other man’s name, slowly as it settles on his tongue. Are they friends? They could be. Xichen finds that he wants them to be more than he should. “Lan Huan.” He offers his own and it is strange on his lips. Everyone who has called him that is dead.
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The name is foreign, possibly because he had never heard that name before. The man before him had always been Zewu Jun or Lan Xichen. With his eyes closed like that, he wonders if his personality is trying to Xichen. He knows it to be so for many people. Still, he presses on.
"As your friend, Lan Huan, I must inform you that you stink."
There's a twitch at the corner of Jiang Cheng's lips, even though he tries so hard to be serious about it.
"I've asked for a bath to be drawn up for you. I trust you would be able to wash yourself. If you refuse, I will be forced to make sure that you bathe correctly and wash your hair correctly."
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“I can manage that myself, Jiang Cheng. I am not completely useless,” though maybe he is, he isn’t quite so sure.
“Even though you’ve found me in this state...” He is sorry. It is unbecoming of a Sect leader but he is in seclusion and Jiang Cheng did burst into his home. He is sure, tired as he is, he can manage a bath so that he is more put together for their next meeting.
Having the other man assist him is too intimate, saved for a spouse, a lover. They have only just crossed over to birth names and while he knows his own tastes, he is not of the mind to let himself consider the bold offer as anything but a gruff threat between new friends. This is where the line is firmly drawn in the sand, for the sake of his on pride.
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This state is not one that is surprising. In his darkest moments, Jiang Cheng refused to come out of his rooms, wallowing, instead, in his own sadness and heartbreak. It had been difficult and the expectations of others had been a lot to bear. He was alone in dealing with that and he didn't want the same fate for Huan-ge. A bath was a start. A meal was a start.
He gives a scoff. "Good."
Cheng crosses his arms and waits for the water to be brought up for the bath, considering his next few steps of his plan. Freshening up the Hanshi, perhaps, while Huan-ge bathed.
"Perhaps I could come by day to day, discuss what has been happening in the world with you. I need someone to talk to and I don't want Wei Wuxian to bother me of his matters."
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It's not his place to meddle, to inquire about Jiang Cheng's relationship with his brother. Still, they are friends and as complicated as things are amongst family, he hopes the he will hear that Jiang Cheng has talked to his brother while staying in the Cloud Recess. "I do not wish to take up all your time, Jiang Cheng, and Master Wei is hard to avoid when determined."
There is a knock on the door then, the voice of disciples on the other side. Xichen pushes himself to his feet, does not force himself to smile beyond the naturally gentle curve of his lips. "I believe that is the bath, which means your duties for the night are complete. I can manage myself and don't wish to keep you."
With the bath already here, he won't let it go to waste. The water will not take long to heat and there is plenty of time before Hai hour, where he can enjoy the bath.
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"Then I will return in the morning."
He gets up as well, rolling his sleeves down and picking up his sword, looking every part a sect leader as he walks from the table to the doors. He slides them open and looks at Huan-ge. He doesn't quite want to have him be by himself and yet he understands...these sort of interactions require a build up.
Jiang Cheng hesitates a moment before reaching up to gently squeeze his arm, as gently as he could before making his way past the disciples and away from the Hanshi.
He barely sets foot on the footpath before he loudly starts arguing with Wei Wuxian.
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He is not healed, but healing. Not the man he was before, no, but as Jiang Cheng's already extended stay draws to a close, Xichen finds that he feels hopeful. There will be and have been days where he has done little more than hummed a soft response when asked a question, but the mountain before him does not seem to be unscalable.
The fact that he is getting better, how quickly he is getting better, is eating away at his own brother. Xichen can tell, but he does not let his mind drift from the man and afternoon ahead of him.
They are sharing tea today, though wine has also been brought for the Jiang Sect leader. Xichen is suspicious that their brothers are involved, but does not question how it has come within the walls of Cloud Recess. He is not Sect Leader by any means at the moment, though compared to how Jiang Cheng found him, he looks the part. He is dressed in three layers on top of his underrobes, his hair flows down his back and half is tied into a loose ponytail instead of the haphazard braid of the first night. His finery is still locked away, it feels too soon.
"I am sure Lotus Pier is happy at the news you will be returning soon. Though, I also hope your stay here has not been too disruptive and a mountain of paperwork won't be your welcome home," he says, after setting his cup of tea down on the table. What he wants to say is that he will miss the other man, whose company he has grown to greatly enjoy. That he is grateful, though he knows this has been a burden. A selfish part of him, a small voice that Xichen has been trying to silence, wants more time in his company, amongst the deep sound of Jiang Cheng's laughter and the refreshing honesty he brings to each space he enters.
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Even his spars with Wei Wuxian has been less antagonistic. Wangji, however, he can manage a polite conversation with now. After all they had been through, there were still things that he and Wangji needed to work through.
Taking care of Huan-ge has become something they mutually agreed on.
The jar of Emperor's Smile sits by their table that they had set up on the veranda and Jiang Cheng is happy to see that Huan-ge has come more and more out of his shell, dressing and putting himself together to look more like himself.
"A mountain of paperwork does await for me when I return home, there's very little doubt that there wouldn't be," he snorts. "The stay here has been...peaceful."
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He hums softly in response, thinking over his words. "Then I am ever more grateful that you came, knowing there would be a mountain at your return."
Without the Grandmaster and Wangji, there would be no doubt that the mountain of paperwork left for Sect Leader Lan would cover the Cloud Recess. He is sure, that without them, Seclusion would not have been possible. That is the double edged sword. "Dealing with a secluded Sect Leader has been peaceful?" he asks, tilting his head slightly. "I am not so sure others would agree, Jiang Cheng."
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i cackled i'm not gonna lie
welcome to zewu-jun with no impulse control, circa audio drama~
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