And that---that is not at all what Xichen expects.
Oh.
For all the indignation that had bubbled to the surface, so unlike himself, Lan Xichen deflates quickly. Not to the mask of deference, a smile pulling the corners of his lips and not quite reaching his eyes, but to confusion and then, surprising even himself, it is gratefulness that washes through him.
It is not that he has been left completely alone, that no one cares. On the contrary, his Uncle watches him with disappointment but does not try to drive him from the path he has chosen. His Uncle is too stringent in the way he has followed the Wall of Discipline his whole life, has not strayed. He had devoted himself to keeping Wangji on the righteous path, now it hurts him to realize it was the wrong brother he had failed to lead astray.
With Wangji, it is a different matter. His brother will also not pull him from this room, but he does try. Their weekly tea sessions are a battle of wills, where Wangji has taken to bringing letters he receives as Chief Cultivator along to ask for his brother's advice. Sometimes, he suggests the course of action in response that he knows will drive Xichen toward a response. Thus far, he has managed to hold his tongue.
It is refreshing, to have someone not try to skirt around the so familiar rules that dictate these paths and hallways. That Jiang Wanyin has burst into his rooms, because he is worried. It eases something in Xichen's chest he had not realized was there; there is no ulterior motive here. No trick. This is not a critique, though it is an invasion.
He softens and the corns of his lips do twitch, the ghost of a smile. "No," he speaks finally, slightly shaking his head. "No rules against it and I thank you for your concern, Jiang Wanyin. Truly."
There is a but on his lips, yet he cannot voice it. "It has been months but there are no limits for seclusion. It is not a matter of time." It feels like a poor explanation, one that he would not elaborate on in another life. But that one has passed and, if he is honest with himself, Xichen misses talking to people. He is not suited to isolation, to silence, like his brother is. "Nor is my seclusion wholly about shortcomings I may have as Sect Leader. Though, I do expect that as a Sect Leader, you can see how I have fallen short in looking after my own sect, my fellow sect leaders, and those around me."
That is the thing that keeps him within these walls, in the end. That if he had been better, had noticed, had been less of a fool, perhaps the man in front of him would have had his brother all along, his sister and brother-in-law as well.
"We are still human. We still make mistakes," he responds easily. "I can see how you've fallen short. I can also see how you can stand tall again."
Honestly, why did he even come here? He should have tasked Huaisang or even Wuxian to come to speak with Xichen. But once again, his own hot blood got the better of him, driving Wanyin to come all the way out and up the mountain to--
He presses his lips together. How could he explain to Xichen? It takes time to forgive oneself. It isn't done easily in seclusion.
"Your food is getting cold. You should eat it."
He lifts the tea cup to his lips and sips at it, carefully watching him out of the corner of his eye.
"You can see how I can stand tall? How? I would argue that these were not merely mistakes," he counters, voice even as he looks down that the table in front of them instead of the other man. "My mistakes have cost you dearly as well."
It is not the tactful thing to say, nor the kindest.
Seclusion and grief have not made Xichen kind, nor able to hold his tongue. It is refreshing, though, to hear the other man speak as if there is a way to overcome this mountain. Then again, it is not a secret that Jiang Wanyin overcame a mountain on his own and here Lan Xichen sits, unable to overcome it with a whole sect behind him. Shame heats his cheeks and he lets out a soft sigh, embarrassed as the younger man watches him over his tea.
He is not hungry, if he is honest with himself, but the quiet of a meal is a welcome distraction. Though, he is certain that Jiang Wanyin will not follow this rule.
"Thank you," he says it slowly, on the wings of a shaky breath as he reaches for the meal. It is cold, he realizes as he takes the first bite, but he will eat it.
Eating is the first step to pull one out of the depths that he imagines Xichen is in. It's a depth that Wanyin is familiar with himself. There is no speaking during eating and Wanyin honors that, quietly sipping at his own tea until Xichen finishes his meal.
He knows that Xichen's blindness caused his pain. But it was Jin Guanyao that had caused that blindness in the first place. They were all fooled and played by such a mastermind.
When he finally puts his bowl and chopsticks down, Wanyin places his cup down.
"Don't you think, because of the cost I paid, I would be able to understand what you have gone through? Partially if not completely?" he asks. "It's not the same betrayal and pain. But they are both recognizable beyond what those out there can recognize."
He'd never been good with words, less so around Zewu Jun.
It is a pleasant surprise, that the only sound that fills the Hanshi is the scrape of chopsticks against his bowl. Xichen sets his bowl down when he is finished, feeling a bit lighter than he had a short time before.
Physically heavier, yes, but it is a task that he has accomplished. One that he would not have, if not for Jiang Wanyin.
The other's mans words floor him. Xichen is sure that he cannot keep the shock from his face this time, that he is giving himself away in a way that he has only shown two others and those men are gone from this world. One at the hands of another.
"I---" and what can he say to that? It is the truth, he knows it. If there is anyone in this world that understand what is it like to be so wholly betrayed by a man one calls a brother, even if they all know now that that was not the case, it is Jiang Wanyin.
"You are right, Wanyin," he looks up at the other man finally, bridging the space that has formed between them. Perhaps it is not his place to be so familiar, but then again, are they not bound in this loss? "I wish we did not share this burden but, you are right, it is one only you and I understand. I am afraid that I do not know how to navigate it."
It's uncomfortable for him to be vulnerable. Wanyin looks at Xichen.
"Now you're lucky that I have informed my sect that I will be here for a week, at the very least. My presence is needed in Gusu, clearly and sorely."
He hopes that Xichen could see that it's all bravado and bluster. He isn't actually chastising Zewu Jun. But it simply is how he shows affection for anyone.
"In that week, we will help you navigate through this. To understand that this is a mountain you can conquer and climb. You'll come out the other side closer to being whole again." He looks at Zewu Jun in the eye, determined. "You will never be the same as you were before. But you will learn how to be that new you."
Xichen wonders then, how different things would have been if Jiang Wanyin had not been alone. He cannot blame Jin Guangyao for this, for it was Lan Xichen who only called on two men to take the oath with him to become sworn brothers.
He is not sure that he remembers correctly, if Jin Guangyao had been the one to sow doubt in his mind. To make reaching out feel like an offense to his brother, a slight to a man who had lost so so much at the end of Jiang Wanyin's sword.
That too, is shameful. "If I argue that a week is too long, I am sure you will not listen, and.. I find, that I cannot find it in myself to argue."
"Was that a wisdom imparted on you?" he asks, hoping that it is something that Jiang Wanyin is repeating because it was once said to him. In the silence that follows, Xichen reaches across the table to pour the both of them more tea.
Good. He's glad that Xichen doesn't find it in himself to argue against Wanyin's presence there. He'll need to set up a room for himself at the inn in Caiyi and make sure he makes the journey up to Cloud Recesses each day. But he knows he must. For Xichen's sake. To have him know that he isn't alone in such pain.
He stiffens a little at the question on whether or not it was a wisdom that had been imparted on him. Wanyin does not break his gaze from watching Xichen.
"No."
Xichen had enough people lying to him. And Wanyin would be damned if he was another person who would do so. His answer is firm, truthful.
The answer is not a surprise, but it still draws a flinch out of the elder. Xichen is no longer the immaculate Sect Leader once held in esteem, not right now.
It is almost liberating, not to hold himself together in front of the other man. Even with his Uncle and Wangji, Xichen is left holding himself together at the seams. Every glimpse behind the mask seems to break his Brothers heart. Now, sitting in front of Jiang Wanyin in his undertones, hair unwashed. He has at least remembered to put his forehead ribbon on. On another day, he may have been caught without it.
βAh. Well. Thank you for sharing it with me,β he says slowly, finding the bluntness and force behind the answer a welcome change.
βWhen you retire for the night, the one of the disciples will take you to the guest quarters. I am sure an appropriate set of rooms can be prepared for at least a week. I will let His Excellency know tomorrow that longer accommodation may be needed.β It will be a good warning for Wangji, who will likely let Jiang Wanyinβs brother know of their guest.
With that decision, he nods. Wanyin takes the opportunity to fully see the state that Xichen is in. His resolve is set. Wanyin quietly gets up and not quite stomps over to the door. He opens it and closes it behind him.
His voice could be heard even through the closed door: "send word to the inn in Caiyi town that I will not be staying there. Bring water for a bath."
Though his voice is, as always, full of sharp bite, he places a gentle hand on the Lan disciple's shoulders, assuring quietly that he will take care of their Zewu Jun for a bit.
Once they run off, he enters the Hanshi again and levels his gaze with Zewu Jun. As harsh as his face and his words can be, there is care in his eyes, a plea to him to not be Zewu Jun, as it held so much rigidity and expectation to it, nor to be Lan Xichen, one of the Twin Jades.
He takes a seat again and picks up the cup of tea, breaking his gaze to look at the tea itself.
"...you could call me Jiang Cheng," he says quietly. "Here, we are equals and friends."
When Jiang Wanyin steps away, Xichen takes a deep breath and reaches for his tea.
He does not hear the request for a bath, instead loses himself in the moment and sudden quiet. Heβs tired, he realizes. So tired after having been in the company of another for so long, after speaking so much.
When he opens his eyes, Jiang Wanyin is sitting in front of him. He repeats the other manβs name, slowly as it settles on his tongue. Are they friends? They could be. Xichen finds that he wants them to be more than he should. βLan Huan.β He offers his own and it is strange on his lips. Everyone who has called him that is dead.
The name is foreign, possibly because he had never heard that name before. The man before him had always been Zewu Jun or Lan Xichen. With his eyes closed like that, he wonders if his personality is trying to Xichen. He knows it to be so for many people. Still, he presses on.
"As your friend, Lan Huan, I must inform you that you stink."
There's a twitch at the corner of Jiang Cheng's lips, even though he tries so hard to be serious about it.
"I've asked for a bath to be drawn up for you. I trust you would be able to wash yourself. If you refuse, I will be forced to make sure that you bathe correctly and wash your hair correctly."
The brashness, the boldness of the words are what has a soft laugh bubbling up through Xichenβs chest. He lifts his hand, covers his mouth with the sleeve as it is followed by more soft laughter. It is not the laugh he would have shared before but it has been months since he has dreamed of laughter at all.
βI can manage that myself, Jiang Cheng. I am not completely useless,β though maybe he is, he isnβt quite so sure.
βEven though youβve found me in this state...β He is sorry. It is unbecoming of a Sect leader but he is in seclusion and Jiang Cheng did burst into his home. He is sure, tired as he is, he can manage a bath so that he is more put together for their next meeting.
Having the other man assist him is too intimate, saved for a spouse, a lover. They have only just crossed over to birth names and while he knows his own tastes, he is not of the mind to let himself consider the bold offer as anything but a gruff threat between new friends. This is where the line is firmly drawn in the sand, for the sake of his on pride.
He counts the laughter as a win in his book. The fact that Huan-ge was able to laugh and laugh enough that he needs to cover his mouth for the laugh is a step in the right direction.
This state is not one that is surprising. In his darkest moments, Jiang Cheng refused to come out of his rooms, wallowing, instead, in his own sadness and heartbreak. It had been difficult and the expectations of others had been a lot to bear. He was alone in dealing with that and he didn't want the same fate for Huan-ge. A bath was a start. A meal was a start.
He gives a scoff. "Good."
Cheng crosses his arms and waits for the water to be brought up for the bath, considering his next few steps of his plan. Freshening up the Hanshi, perhaps, while Huan-ge bathed.
"Perhaps I could come by day to day, discuss what has been happening in the world with you. I need someone to talk to and I don't want Wei Wuxian to bother me of his matters."
"I would like that," Xichen nodded, shoulders feeling lighter than they had before the laughter had been drawn from his chest. He is not lying when he says it, though there is a hint of amusement as Jiang Cheng mentions his brother.
It's not his place to meddle, to inquire about Jiang Cheng's relationship with his brother. Still, they are friends and as complicated as things are amongst family, he hopes the he will hear that Jiang Cheng has talked to his brother while staying in the Cloud Recess. "I do not wish to take up all your time, Jiang Cheng, and Master Wei is hard to avoid when determined."
There is a knock on the door then, the voice of disciples on the other side. Xichen pushes himself to his feet, does not force himself to smile beyond the naturally gentle curve of his lips. "I believe that is the bath, which means your duties for the night are complete. I can manage myself and don't wish to keep you."
With the bath already here, he won't let it go to waste. The water will not take long to heat and there is plenty of time before Hai hour, where he can enjoy the bath.
Good. It makes his heart glad to see Huan-ge get up and still have a curve to his lips.
"Then I will return in the morning."
He gets up as well, rolling his sleeves down and picking up his sword, looking every part a sect leader as he walks from the table to the doors. He slides them open and looks at Huan-ge. He doesn't quite want to have him be by himself and yet he understands...these sort of interactions require a build up.
Jiang Cheng hesitates a moment before reaching up to gently squeeze his arm, as gently as he could before making his way past the disciples and away from the Hanshi.
He barely sets foot on the footpath before he loudly starts arguing with Wei Wuxian.
Nearly two weeks later, Xichen finds himself sitting on the veranda in front of the Hanshi. The time since Jiang Cheng's arrival has blurred together, each day leaving him nearly exhausted and somehow more energized than before.
He is not healed, but healing. Not the man he was before, no, but as Jiang Cheng's already extended stay draws to a close, Xichen finds that he feels hopeful. There will be and have been days where he has done little more than hummed a soft response when asked a question, but the mountain before him does not seem to be unscalable.
The fact that he is getting better, how quickly he is getting better, is eating away at his own brother. Xichen can tell, but he does not let his mind drift from the man and afternoon ahead of him.
They are sharing tea today, though wine has also been brought for the Jiang Sect leader. Xichen is suspicious that their brothers are involved, but does not question how it has come within the walls of Cloud Recess. He is not Sect Leader by any means at the moment, though compared to how Jiang Cheng found him, he looks the part. He is dressed in three layers on top of his underrobes, his hair flows down his back and half is tied into a loose ponytail instead of the haphazard braid of the first night. His finery is still locked away, it feels too soon.
"I am sure Lotus Pier is happy at the news you will be returning soon. Though, I also hope your stay here has not been too disruptive and a mountain of paperwork won't be your welcome home," he says, after setting his cup of tea down on the table. What he wants to say is that he will miss the other man, whose company he has grown to greatly enjoy. That he is grateful, though he knows this has been a burden. A selfish part of him, a small voice that Xichen has been trying to silence, wants more time in his company, amongst the deep sound of Jiang Cheng's laughter and the refreshing honesty he brings to each space he enters.
One week had stretched into two weeks. Jiang Cheng found himself sharing so much of himself with Huan-ge. His memories of his boyhood at Lotus Pier, how his clan has been doing with rebuilding their beloved home. It didn't take too long before he started laughing, genuinely laughing and letting his guard down more often than not. He tries not to think on when the last time he had ever been this relaxed around another person was.
Even his spars with Wei Wuxian has been less antagonistic. Wangji, however, he can manage a polite conversation with now. After all they had been through, there were still things that he and Wangji needed to work through.
Taking care of Huan-ge has become something they mutually agreed on.
The jar of Emperor's Smile sits by their table that they had set up on the veranda and Jiang Cheng is happy to see that Huan-ge has come more and more out of his shell, dressing and putting himself together to look more like himself.
"A mountain of paperwork does await for me when I return home, there's very little doubt that there wouldn't be," he snorts. "The stay here has been...peaceful."
The words earn a soft smile, which Xichen does not hide as he lifts his tea cup and takes a sip of tea to keep his hands occupied. The urge to wring them in his lap is unbecoming, though he knows he will find no judgement here.
He hums softly in response, thinking over his words. "Then I am ever more grateful that you came, knowing there would be a mountain at your return."
Without the Grandmaster and Wangji, there would be no doubt that the mountain of paperwork left for Sect Leader Lan would cover the Cloud Recess. He is sure, that without them, Seclusion would not have been possible. That is the double edged sword. "Dealing with a secluded Sect Leader has been peaceful?" he asks, tilting his head slightly. "I am not so sure others would agree, Jiang Cheng."
He finds himself liking that smile, happy to see it appear again and
ignoring the thump it causes in his heart. He's found a lot of thoughts
seem to preoccupy him recently. Like how he wants to take Sect Leader Lan's
hand in his own to help quell whatever anxiety that he sees in the crinkles
of his eyes and how he lifts his teacup. Strange how he notices such things
now. He supposed it was because he had spent hours and hours with Huan-ge.
Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes and picks up his own tea cup, draining his cup
easily. "Dealing? I have been spending time and accompanying
a Sect Leader. And if other disagree, they can talk to me about it and I'll
be sure they will certainly feel their argument countered by Zidian."
There's something surprising about that, though thrilling. With Jiang Cheng, Xichen does not find himself doubting those words. It is refreshing, in a way he could not have imagined mere weeks ago.
A part of him, still hurt and cautious, wonders if he is only seeing another facade. Only seeing what is being shown, but Xichen cannot live like that. Cannot push people away, worried that there is malice hiding beneath each smile and seemingly honest words. A different part, which has surfaced in the two weeks in the Jiang Sect Leader's company, reminds him that Jin Guangyao cannot take this away from him.
"There is no need to start a war on my behalf," his tone is soft, nearly teasing. "Though I have greatly enjoyed your company..."
There's a hint of teasing that soothes at Jiang Cheng's worry. He's been
finding a new Xichen that emerges, willing to tease, as gentle and kind as
he is. There are more and more parts of him emerging with each day he
spends with him.
"As I have greatly enjoyed yours."
He takes the jar of Emperor's Smile and pours a little for both of them.
"A toast. To you finally ridding yourself of the ever so temperamental Sect
Leader Jiang," he teases.
He lets himself chuckle at that before drinking the alcohol. He looks at
Xichen, his friend, his...well...he would never admit it to Wei Wuxian or
anyone else, but the more he saw of Xichen...of Huan-ge, the more he feels
his own locked up heart give to his kindness and softness. Jiang Cheng
looks down at his own empty cup, brushing his thumb over the rim of it as
the sun sets. He looks over and is caught with how the soft orange light
lights up Xichen's features. He swallows and clears his throat, looking
away.
"And you are welcome at Lotus Pier whenever you'd like."
While the alcohol had been brought and included, Xichen had not indulged in it. For a moment, he feels torn. By principle, alcohol is forbidden in the Cloud Recess and, despite not acting as Sect Leader at the moment, Xichen does not intend to wholly cast the rules aside. Not now, when he is starting to feel like himself.
Still.
Wanting to insult the other man is far from anywhere on the list of things he will allow himself to do. Not this man, who makes his heart beat a bit faster and who heβs learned is so deeply caring, so dedicated and so much more than the gentry give him credit for.
Plus, the toast earns a small chuckle as he reaches for the cup intended for him. βI am not sure I want to toast to that, Sect Leader Jiang,β he says it as he lifts the cup, βAs ridding implies it is a desired loss. But I will drink to these last two weeks.β
The alcohol burns on the way down. Xichen has long mastered the practice of burning the alcohol off before it is absorbed, which allows him to drink at Cultivation Conferences or with other Sect Leaders without causing insult. It has been long enough, though, that β too late β he realizes he is out of practice. Warmth spreads through him and when he speaks again, he realizes he cannot keep his voice to the normally gentle tones he is known for.
βWhenever?!β he asks, leaning forward across the table as the corners of his mouth tug upward into a bright smile.
While his brother is known for melancholy and tends to fall asleep when he is drunk, Xichen suffers different symptoms. The lack of control is there, but it manifests in a hyperactive sort of energy, a desire to move and an inability to control his volume or excitement at any little thing. Unlike Wangji, he also remembers it all.
He had seen Xichen drink at conferences. And Jiang Cheng had technically
not brought the alcohol into Cloud Recesses. Wangji did for Wei Wuxian.
Then his wayward brother had brought it to him to bring to Xichen as a
celebratory drink. He had poured both of them a drink and had not expected
Xichen to actually pick it up.
He looks back when Xichen speaks, surprise crosses Jiang Cheng's features
when he sees Xichen drink the drink. He allows the quirk of his lips in a
smile when Xichen says it's to celebrate the last two weeks.
The volume at how Xichen speaks catches him off guard and Jiang Cheng has
to blink once to regain his footing.
"Y-Yes!" Jiang Cheng clears his throat and sits up a little straighter.
"Yes, you're always welcome at Lotus Pier, Huan-ge."
welcome to zewu-jun with no impulse control, circa audio drama~
"Oh." Xichen intends to say it softly but the volume remains the same, a steady flow of excitement bubbling to the surface as pupils dilate and his eyes remain wide. "I should come soon, then."
As he says this he nods, as if making the decision for the both of them. His brows furrow slightly as he realizes he has leaned forward further, nearly over the whole of the table. This is mostly a problem because there is a table between them and Xichen would very much prefer if that were not the case.
Part of him realizes that he has slipped into a state of intoxication very quickly, another does not care. The first part, still hanging on, wishes to warn the other man and apologize for the behavior he will surely regret when the hangover sets in. "We should take a walk," is what he says out-loud. "Or I should take a walk. You are very far."
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Oh.
For all the indignation that had bubbled to the surface, so unlike himself, Lan Xichen deflates quickly. Not to the mask of deference, a smile pulling the corners of his lips and not quite reaching his eyes, but to confusion and then, surprising even himself, it is gratefulness that washes through him.
It is not that he has been left completely alone, that no one cares. On the contrary, his Uncle watches him with disappointment but does not try to drive him from the path he has chosen. His Uncle is too stringent in the way he has followed the Wall of Discipline his whole life, has not strayed. He had devoted himself to keeping Wangji on the righteous path, now it hurts him to realize it was the wrong brother he had failed to lead astray.
With Wangji, it is a different matter. His brother will also not pull him from this room, but he does try. Their weekly tea sessions are a battle of wills, where Wangji has taken to bringing letters he receives as Chief Cultivator along to ask for his brother's advice. Sometimes, he suggests the course of action in response that he knows will drive Xichen toward a response. Thus far, he has managed to hold his tongue.
It is refreshing, to have someone not try to skirt around the so familiar rules that dictate these paths and hallways. That Jiang Wanyin has burst into his rooms, because he is worried. It eases something in Xichen's chest he had not realized was there; there is no ulterior motive here. No trick. This is not a critique, though it is an invasion.
He softens and the corns of his lips do twitch, the ghost of a smile. "No," he speaks finally, slightly shaking his head. "No rules against it and I thank you for your concern, Jiang Wanyin. Truly."
There is a but on his lips, yet he cannot voice it. "It has been months but there are no limits for seclusion. It is not a matter of time." It feels like a poor explanation, one that he would not elaborate on in another life. But that one has passed and, if he is honest with himself, Xichen misses talking to people. He is not suited to isolation, to silence, like his brother is. "Nor is my seclusion wholly about shortcomings I may have as Sect Leader. Though, I do expect that as a Sect Leader, you can see how I have fallen short in looking after my own sect, my fellow sect leaders, and those around me."
That is the thing that keeps him within these walls, in the end. That if he had been better, had noticed, had been less of a fool, perhaps the man in front of him would have had his brother all along, his sister and brother-in-law as well.
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Honestly, why did he even come here? He should have tasked Huaisang or even Wuxian to come to speak with Xichen. But once again, his own hot blood got the better of him, driving Wanyin to come all the way out and up the mountain to--
He presses his lips together. How could he explain to Xichen? It takes time to forgive oneself. It isn't done easily in seclusion.
"Your food is getting cold. You should eat it."
He lifts the tea cup to his lips and sips at it, carefully watching him out of the corner of his eye.
no subject
It is not the tactful thing to say, nor the kindest.
Seclusion and grief have not made Xichen kind, nor able to hold his tongue. It is refreshing, though, to hear the other man speak as if there is a way to overcome this mountain. Then again, it is not a secret that Jiang Wanyin overcame a mountain on his own and here Lan Xichen sits, unable to overcome it with a whole sect behind him. Shame heats his cheeks and he lets out a soft sigh, embarrassed as the younger man watches him over his tea.
He is not hungry, if he is honest with himself, but the quiet of a meal is a welcome distraction. Though, he is certain that Jiang Wanyin will not follow this rule.
"Thank you," he says it slowly, on the wings of a shaky breath as he reaches for the meal. It is cold, he realizes as he takes the first bite, but he will eat it.
no subject
He knows that Xichen's blindness caused his pain. But it was Jin Guanyao that had caused that blindness in the first place. They were all fooled and played by such a mastermind.
When he finally puts his bowl and chopsticks down, Wanyin places his cup down.
"Don't you think, because of the cost I paid, I would be able to understand what you have gone through? Partially if not completely?" he asks. "It's not the same betrayal and pain. But they are both recognizable beyond what those out there can recognize."
He'd never been good with words, less so around Zewu Jun.
no subject
Physically heavier, yes, but it is a task that he has accomplished. One that he would not have, if not for Jiang Wanyin.
The other's mans words floor him. Xichen is sure that he cannot keep the shock from his face this time, that he is giving himself away in a way that he has only shown two others and those men are gone from this world. One at the hands of another.
"I---" and what can he say to that? It is the truth, he knows it. If there is anyone in this world that understand what is it like to be so wholly betrayed by a man one calls a brother, even if they all know now that that was not the case, it is Jiang Wanyin.
"You are right, Wanyin," he looks up at the other man finally, bridging the space that has formed between them. Perhaps it is not his place to be so familiar, but then again, are they not bound in this loss? "I wish we did not share this burden but, you are right, it is one only you and I understand. I am afraid that I do not know how to navigate it."
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It's uncomfortable for him to be vulnerable. Wanyin looks at Xichen.
"Now you're lucky that I have informed my sect that I will be here for a week, at the very least. My presence is needed in Gusu, clearly and sorely."
He hopes that Xichen could see that it's all bravado and bluster. He isn't actually chastising Zewu Jun. But it simply is how he shows affection for anyone.
"In that week, we will help you navigate through this. To understand that this is a mountain you can conquer and climb. You'll come out the other side closer to being whole again." He looks at Zewu Jun in the eye, determined. "You will never be the same as you were before. But you will learn how to be that new you."
no subject
He is not sure that he remembers correctly, if Jin Guangyao had been the one to sow doubt in his mind. To make reaching out feel like an offense to his brother, a slight to a man who had lost so so much at the end of Jiang Wanyin's sword.
That too, is shameful. "If I argue that a week is too long, I am sure you will not listen, and.. I find, that I cannot find it in myself to argue."
"Was that a wisdom imparted on you?" he asks, hoping that it is something that Jiang Wanyin is repeating because it was once said to him. In the silence that follows, Xichen reaches across the table to pour the both of them more tea.
no subject
He stiffens a little at the question on whether or not it was a wisdom that had been imparted on him. Wanyin does not break his gaze from watching Xichen.
"No."
Xichen had enough people lying to him. And Wanyin would be damned if he was another person who would do so. His answer is firm, truthful.
no subject
It is almost liberating, not to hold himself together in front of the other man. Even with his Uncle and Wangji, Xichen is left holding himself together at the seams. Every glimpse behind the mask seems to break his Brothers heart. Now, sitting in front of Jiang Wanyin in his undertones, hair unwashed. He has at least remembered to put his forehead ribbon on. On another day, he may have been caught without it.
βAh. Well. Thank you for sharing it with me,β he says slowly, finding the bluntness and force behind the answer a welcome change.
βWhen you retire for the night, the one of the disciples will take you to the guest quarters. I am sure an appropriate set of rooms can be prepared for at least a week. I will let His Excellency know tomorrow that longer accommodation may be needed.β It will be a good warning for Wangji, who will likely let Jiang Wanyinβs brother know of their guest.
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His voice could be heard even through the closed door: "send word to the inn in Caiyi town that I will not be staying there. Bring water for a bath."
Though his voice is, as always, full of sharp bite, he places a gentle hand on the Lan disciple's shoulders, assuring quietly that he will take care of their Zewu Jun for a bit.
Once they run off, he enters the Hanshi again and levels his gaze with Zewu Jun. As harsh as his face and his words can be, there is care in his eyes, a plea to him to not be Zewu Jun, as it held so much rigidity and expectation to it, nor to be Lan Xichen, one of the Twin Jades.
He takes a seat again and picks up the cup of tea, breaking his gaze to look at the tea itself.
"...you could call me Jiang Cheng," he says quietly. "Here, we are equals and friends."
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He does not hear the request for a bath, instead loses himself in the moment and sudden quiet. Heβs tired, he realizes. So tired after having been in the company of another for so long, after speaking so much.
When he opens his eyes, Jiang Wanyin is sitting in front of him. He repeats the other manβs name, slowly as it settles on his tongue. Are they friends? They could be. Xichen finds that he wants them to be more than he should. βLan Huan.β He offers his own and it is strange on his lips. Everyone who has called him that is dead.
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The name is foreign, possibly because he had never heard that name before. The man before him had always been Zewu Jun or Lan Xichen. With his eyes closed like that, he wonders if his personality is trying to Xichen. He knows it to be so for many people. Still, he presses on.
"As your friend, Lan Huan, I must inform you that you stink."
There's a twitch at the corner of Jiang Cheng's lips, even though he tries so hard to be serious about it.
"I've asked for a bath to be drawn up for you. I trust you would be able to wash yourself. If you refuse, I will be forced to make sure that you bathe correctly and wash your hair correctly."
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βI can manage that myself, Jiang Cheng. I am not completely useless,β though maybe he is, he isnβt quite so sure.
βEven though youβve found me in this state...β He is sorry. It is unbecoming of a Sect leader but he is in seclusion and Jiang Cheng did burst into his home. He is sure, tired as he is, he can manage a bath so that he is more put together for their next meeting.
Having the other man assist him is too intimate, saved for a spouse, a lover. They have only just crossed over to birth names and while he knows his own tastes, he is not of the mind to let himself consider the bold offer as anything but a gruff threat between new friends. This is where the line is firmly drawn in the sand, for the sake of his on pride.
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This state is not one that is surprising. In his darkest moments, Jiang Cheng refused to come out of his rooms, wallowing, instead, in his own sadness and heartbreak. It had been difficult and the expectations of others had been a lot to bear. He was alone in dealing with that and he didn't want the same fate for Huan-ge. A bath was a start. A meal was a start.
He gives a scoff. "Good."
Cheng crosses his arms and waits for the water to be brought up for the bath, considering his next few steps of his plan. Freshening up the Hanshi, perhaps, while Huan-ge bathed.
"Perhaps I could come by day to day, discuss what has been happening in the world with you. I need someone to talk to and I don't want Wei Wuxian to bother me of his matters."
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It's not his place to meddle, to inquire about Jiang Cheng's relationship with his brother. Still, they are friends and as complicated as things are amongst family, he hopes the he will hear that Jiang Cheng has talked to his brother while staying in the Cloud Recess. "I do not wish to take up all your time, Jiang Cheng, and Master Wei is hard to avoid when determined."
There is a knock on the door then, the voice of disciples on the other side. Xichen pushes himself to his feet, does not force himself to smile beyond the naturally gentle curve of his lips. "I believe that is the bath, which means your duties for the night are complete. I can manage myself and don't wish to keep you."
With the bath already here, he won't let it go to waste. The water will not take long to heat and there is plenty of time before Hai hour, where he can enjoy the bath.
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"Then I will return in the morning."
He gets up as well, rolling his sleeves down and picking up his sword, looking every part a sect leader as he walks from the table to the doors. He slides them open and looks at Huan-ge. He doesn't quite want to have him be by himself and yet he understands...these sort of interactions require a build up.
Jiang Cheng hesitates a moment before reaching up to gently squeeze his arm, as gently as he could before making his way past the disciples and away from the Hanshi.
He barely sets foot on the footpath before he loudly starts arguing with Wei Wuxian.
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He is not healed, but healing. Not the man he was before, no, but as Jiang Cheng's already extended stay draws to a close, Xichen finds that he feels hopeful. There will be and have been days where he has done little more than hummed a soft response when asked a question, but the mountain before him does not seem to be unscalable.
The fact that he is getting better, how quickly he is getting better, is eating away at his own brother. Xichen can tell, but he does not let his mind drift from the man and afternoon ahead of him.
They are sharing tea today, though wine has also been brought for the Jiang Sect leader. Xichen is suspicious that their brothers are involved, but does not question how it has come within the walls of Cloud Recess. He is not Sect Leader by any means at the moment, though compared to how Jiang Cheng found him, he looks the part. He is dressed in three layers on top of his underrobes, his hair flows down his back and half is tied into a loose ponytail instead of the haphazard braid of the first night. His finery is still locked away, it feels too soon.
"I am sure Lotus Pier is happy at the news you will be returning soon. Though, I also hope your stay here has not been too disruptive and a mountain of paperwork won't be your welcome home," he says, after setting his cup of tea down on the table. What he wants to say is that he will miss the other man, whose company he has grown to greatly enjoy. That he is grateful, though he knows this has been a burden. A selfish part of him, a small voice that Xichen has been trying to silence, wants more time in his company, amongst the deep sound of Jiang Cheng's laughter and the refreshing honesty he brings to each space he enters.
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Even his spars with Wei Wuxian has been less antagonistic. Wangji, however, he can manage a polite conversation with now. After all they had been through, there were still things that he and Wangji needed to work through.
Taking care of Huan-ge has become something they mutually agreed on.
The jar of Emperor's Smile sits by their table that they had set up on the veranda and Jiang Cheng is happy to see that Huan-ge has come more and more out of his shell, dressing and putting himself together to look more like himself.
"A mountain of paperwork does await for me when I return home, there's very little doubt that there wouldn't be," he snorts. "The stay here has been...peaceful."
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He hums softly in response, thinking over his words. "Then I am ever more grateful that you came, knowing there would be a mountain at your return."
Without the Grandmaster and Wangji, there would be no doubt that the mountain of paperwork left for Sect Leader Lan would cover the Cloud Recess. He is sure, that without them, Seclusion would not have been possible. That is the double edged sword. "Dealing with a secluded Sect Leader has been peaceful?" he asks, tilting his head slightly. "I am not so sure others would agree, Jiang Cheng."
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He finds himself liking that smile, happy to see it appear again and ignoring the thump it causes in his heart. He's found a lot of thoughts seem to preoccupy him recently. Like how he wants to take Sect Leader Lan's hand in his own to help quell whatever anxiety that he sees in the crinkles of his eyes and how he lifts his teacup. Strange how he notices such things now. He supposed it was because he had spent hours and hours with Huan-ge.
Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes and picks up his own tea cup, draining his cup easily. "Dealing? I have been spending time and accompanying a Sect Leader. And if other disagree, they can talk to me about it and I'll be sure they will certainly feel their argument countered by Zidian."
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A part of him, still hurt and cautious, wonders if he is only seeing another facade. Only seeing what is being shown, but Xichen cannot live like that. Cannot push people away, worried that there is malice hiding beneath each smile and seemingly honest words. A different part, which has surfaced in the two weeks in the Jiang Sect Leader's company, reminds him that Jin Guangyao cannot take this away from him.
"There is no need to start a war on my behalf," his tone is soft, nearly teasing. "Though I have greatly enjoyed your company..."
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There's a hint of teasing that soothes at Jiang Cheng's worry. He's been finding a new Xichen that emerges, willing to tease, as gentle and kind as he is. There are more and more parts of him emerging with each day he spends with him.
"As I have greatly enjoyed yours."
He takes the jar of Emperor's Smile and pours a little for both of them.
"A toast. To you finally ridding yourself of the ever so temperamental Sect Leader Jiang," he teases.
He lets himself chuckle at that before drinking the alcohol. He looks at Xichen, his friend, his...well...he would never admit it to Wei Wuxian or anyone else, but the more he saw of Xichen...of Huan-ge, the more he feels his own locked up heart give to his kindness and softness. Jiang Cheng looks down at his own empty cup, brushing his thumb over the rim of it as the sun sets. He looks over and is caught with how the soft orange light lights up Xichen's features. He swallows and clears his throat, looking away.
"And you are welcome at Lotus Pier whenever you'd like."
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While the alcohol had been brought and included, Xichen had not indulged in it. For a moment, he feels torn. By principle, alcohol is forbidden in the Cloud Recess and, despite not acting as Sect Leader at the moment, Xichen does not intend to wholly cast the rules aside. Not now, when he is starting to feel like himself.
Still.
Wanting to insult the other man is far from anywhere on the list of things he will allow himself to do. Not this man, who makes his heart beat a bit faster and who heβs learned is so deeply caring, so dedicated and so much more than the gentry give him credit for.
Plus, the toast earns a small chuckle as he reaches for the cup intended for him. βI am not sure I want to toast to that, Sect Leader Jiang,β he says it as he lifts the cup, βAs ridding implies it is a desired loss. But I will drink to these last two weeks.β
The alcohol burns on the way down. Xichen has long mastered the practice of burning the alcohol off before it is absorbed, which allows him to drink at Cultivation Conferences or with other Sect Leaders without causing insult. It has been long enough, though, that β too late β he realizes he is out of practice. Warmth spreads through him and when he speaks again, he realizes he cannot keep his voice to the normally gentle tones he is known for.
βWhenever?!β he asks, leaning forward across the table as the corners of his mouth tug upward into a bright smile.
While his brother is known for melancholy and tends to fall asleep when he is drunk, Xichen suffers different symptoms. The lack of control is there, but it manifests in a hyperactive sort of energy, a desire to move and an inability to control his volume or excitement at any little thing. Unlike Wangji, he also remembers it all.
i cackled i'm not gonna lie
He had seen Xichen drink at conferences. And Jiang Cheng had technically not brought the alcohol into Cloud Recesses. Wangji did for Wei Wuxian. Then his wayward brother had brought it to him to bring to Xichen as a celebratory drink. He had poured both of them a drink and had not expected Xichen to actually pick it up.
He looks back when Xichen speaks, surprise crosses Jiang Cheng's features when he sees Xichen drink the drink. He allows the quirk of his lips in a smile when Xichen says it's to celebrate the last two weeks.
The volume at how Xichen speaks catches him off guard and Jiang Cheng has to blink once to regain his footing.
"Y-Yes!" Jiang Cheng clears his throat and sits up a little straighter. "Yes, you're always welcome at Lotus Pier, Huan-ge."
welcome to zewu-jun with no impulse control, circa audio drama~
As he says this he nods, as if making the decision for the both of them. His brows furrow slightly as he realizes he has leaned forward further, nearly over the whole of the table. This is mostly a problem because there is a table between them and Xichen would very much prefer if that were not the case.
Part of him realizes that he has slipped into a state of intoxication very quickly, another does not care. The first part, still hanging on, wishes to warn the other man and apologize for the behavior he will surely regret when the hangover sets in. "We should take a walk," is what he says out-loud. "Or I should take a walk. You are very far."
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