（ he was not as affected by what occurred, and is more accustomed to situations like that which happened on the train, but he has still been largely keeping his own company in the intervening time. ）
Were you involved in the restoration of Newton's mind?
I was. [ xichen says it after a moment of silence, the corners of his lips pulled downward. ] I was glad I was able to assist.
I think many are also glad to be rid of them and to know it was not Newton who betrayed them. [ it makes it so much simpler, cleaner that way for many grappling to make sense of it all. ]
（ mind control is not uncommon in his world, and coming to terms with the things you've done in such a state can be a lifelong endeavour. it is one of the reasons genjutsu is so feared.
but betrayal carries different connotations to him, after all. itachi studies the placid waters of the nearby lake, the faint ripples of an imagined breeze stirring its mirror-surface to a quiet mercury burnish. ）
On the possession or Newton's actions? [ xichen looks out toward the water himself, then trails his own gaze back down toward their cups of tea. ]
I am intimately aware with this sort of betrayal. [ he says after some time, voice steady. ] So my thoughts on it are biased. [ and yet he finds himself jealous that for some there is the comfort of knowing that it wasn't their friend in the end. ]
（ his gaze cuts back to xichen, though his expression remains wholly neutral. it does not surprise him that the man has had a similar experience before, but he does wonder where it intersects with what he knows now from wei wuxian. strings of connection, like gossamer silk, have tied their fates together in some respect. it is difficult not to think of the atrocities wei wuxian spoke of, nor the role he said zewu-jun played in it all.
yet, even with what he does know — he is still sympathetic to the man's position. it is something only the heirs to a dynastic legacy can understand. it does not colour his view of him — but it is a piece of a larger picture all the same. ）
Bias is a human condition. No one can be so remote from emotional response as to not experience it at all. It is better to accept that such biases exist and to look for ways to mitigate damage they may otherwise cause than insisting it is impossible.
[ xichen mulls over itachi's words for a moment, but does little more than nod for a moment.
bias is a human condition but to feel the human mistakes are acceptable, he has to remember that here many see him as more human than the perception he is granted back home.
zewu-jun is righteous, is kind, is wise. zewu-jun is the first jade of lan and with that he knows better. zewu-jun holds no biases and does not fall victim to the mistakes of mere men, that is why eyes turn to him to guide and make the right choice when when he stood in a room and was not the most senior. the expectation was still there to do the right thing, to walk that tight rope of perfection and not stray from it as his brother did before he repented and rejoined the eldest jade. ]
Did I insist? [ he asks instead, shaking his head as he straightens his shoulders. ]
Newton may have been the vessel but the deceit that played out was not his own creation, nor for his benefit. He doesn't deserve altered treatment.
[ but that's not quite an answer is it? ] So I will endeavor to not let my own memories color what has happened in my home. [ there is plenty here to remind him of that. ]
（ the man is like an ocean. still waters on a calm day, yet there is evidence of turmoil in the deep, and itachi's jaw tightens faintly in something that isn't quite sympathy. ）
（ the fingers of his right hand spasm very faintly, perhaps nothing more than residual nerve damage from the extensive burns marring otherwise unmarked skin. ）
Yes.
（ what else were he and shisui, but that? the nuance may not be exactly right, but given what he knows of the cultural similarities he and wei wuxian have discussed, it is likely similar enough to present no notable shift. ）
that means itachi may understand the pain of it, of the loss and betrayal. of the way it digs deeps and festers because the bond is not born of blood shared but out of battles fought side by side and choices made; perhaps in idealism. ]
We were called the Venerated Triad after the war. Nie Mingjue, Jin Guangyao and I. [ he'd been proud once, for the titles they bore and what good they'd done and all they planned to do. all tainted in blood now, mingjue's and guangyao's in the end but with the blood of innocents all along. more than he'd known and regretted, more added to an already painful price for decisions laid on his shoulders by circumstances of birth.
xichen thinks of the silk outer robe he'd arrived in, the sleeves of it still stained in red with a last piece of a sworn brother who had asked him to fill his vows.
'stay and die with me, brother.' ] With the war behind us, we would be able to maintain the new found peace we had all fought for. With three of the great sects bound to one another, it was not an impossible feat.
I had hoped. [ foolishly, naively. he shakes his head, calm mask fading away to reveal a troubled frown. ] Mingjue hoped to keep Meng--- Guangyao on the moral path.
（ recounted events are revealing in a way other stories are not. he listens, in the artificial stillness of the sunshine room, knowing that the warmth across his shoulders is a lie, that the feel of the rock on which they sit is likewise.
the story is not.
wei wuxian carries a weight from his world — he has always suspected that lan xichen did likewise.
the trouble with peace is that it is by nature tenuous. by nature unlasting. ）
Hope often has little impact on outcome. He did not remain so, I imagine?
( that earns a laugh. not xichen's normal warm chuckle, a bitter sound wrung from his throat. a fast thing, sharp at it's edges. ) One cannot remain on a path one is not walking on to begin with.
( but that is not true. xichen knows that.
know that there had been a time before jin guangyao was twisted by a world who looked down upon him, so gone that even xichen bringing him up to stand beside him did nothing to sate him. ) And Mingjue never had a gentle approach in trying to temper him back to it.
( they were never meant to co-exist. xichen sees it now, too many years too late. )
（ he can surmise how events may have transpired, and it is... wearying, in a way he had not anticipated. his eyes close briefly, but whether it is in memory, commiseration or simple thought is difficult to discern. ）
How badly did it devolve?
（ it. the triad, the clans. such a thing ripples outward, and the loss of powerful men often creates a vacuum. trying to contain it... given what he knows from wei wuxian, he doubts it ended well. ）
( it takes a moment for xichen to answer and while he has shared so much of it, he has not shared one final truth with anyone here. ) It ended with my sword driven through Guangyao's chest.
( with him pleading for xichen to stay, to die together as they'd sword in that oath. only to push him away in the end, not allow a coward's ending after pulling everything xichen had ever known out from underneath his feet. )
（ in fact, to have driven a man like xichen to that point — it was probably a great deal more than deserved. he is patient and careful, and knows to keep the peace, how precious it is, how hard-fought.
he studies the glint of the sunlight on water. it has never escaped him, how true to life this place is, the mastery it suggests. only his genjutsu, of all he's seen in his world, comes close to this. ）
No. It wasn't. ( it hurt still, to do it. to break that bond and forsake that oath. ) But that made it no easier.
Nor did it stop him from making demands or trying to lie his way out of it. ( and that was the sort of man he'd been at the end, not the man xichen had once known. ) I put my faith in the wrong man in the end.
[ xichen takes a moment, glances up at the false sky above them. it is a sentiment he extends to others but is difficult to internalize in himself. ] A burden made heavier by circumstances of birth and the breadth of the consequences.
[ for himself, for others. ] In the end, I am to live with the ways we all destroyed something good.
What you have destroyed in the past has no bearing on what you may build in the future. You have the right to forgive yourself, Zewu-jun.
（ it is all right to want to live. itachi shakes his head at the last, and then begins gathering up their dishes. ）
Also... it is important to remember that the longer you carry guilt, the more it poisons you. You have accepted your wrong-doing, made no excuses for it, and cannot undo it. Being subsumed by guilt serves no one now but your own damaged ego.
（ harsh words, perhaps, but they are nevertheless true. guilt is not a salve to the dead. it is neither protection nor promise. it is only an anchor. ）
( the title ears a slight twitch of the hand, xichen has left both resting in his lap and he curls them into fists. ) Wise words I would repeat to another.
( he looks up after a moment. he understands those words are those spoken by someone who knows them to be true, who has let them seep into their being and bones. there is plenty of guilt between them, the thing is how do either move forward. ) But you are right.
We can only move forward. All of us here. ( that is the biggest lesson to learn in a place where they've come to undo the regrets of the past and their guilt. the irony is not lost on him. xichen moves to help with the dishes, does not leave itachi to do it alone. )
（ he says that with a faint, self-deprecatory amusement. to move forward... how could he hope to do anything else?
they tidy in relative silence, and once all the dishes have been gathered and the area erased of all traces of their mutual presence, he gives xichen a faint incline of his head. ）
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
（ he was not as affected by what occurred, and is more accustomed to situations like that which happened on the train, but he has still been largely keeping his own company in the intervening time. ）
Were you involved in the restoration of Newton's mind?
no subject
I think many are also glad to be rid of them and to know it was not Newton who betrayed them. [ it makes it so much simpler, cleaner that way for many grappling to make sense of it all. ]
no subject
（ one carries the act less than the intent, after all. ）
no subject
The comfort is only found by those who were affected. [ another pause. ] And even then it is a poor excuse for comfort after such a betrayal.
no subject
（ mind control is not uncommon in his world, and coming to terms with the things you've done in such a state can be a lifelong endeavour. it is one of the reasons genjutsu is so feared.
but betrayal carries different connotations to him, after all. itachi studies the placid waters of the nearby lake, the faint ripples of an imagined breeze stirring its mirror-surface to a quiet mercury burnish. ）
What are your feelings on the matter?
no subject
I am intimately aware with this sort of betrayal. [ he says after some time, voice steady. ] So my thoughts on it are biased. [ and yet he finds himself jealous that for some there is the comfort of knowing that it wasn't their friend in the end. ]
no subject
yet, even with what he does know — he is still sympathetic to the man's position. it is something only the heirs to a dynastic legacy can understand. it does not colour his view of him — but it is a piece of a larger picture all the same. ）
Bias is a human condition. No one can be so remote from emotional response as to not experience it at all. It is better to accept that such biases exist and to look for ways to mitigate damage they may otherwise cause than insisting it is impossible.
（ he cants his head to one side. ）
Do you expect it will alter how you treat him?
no subject
bias is a human condition but to feel the human mistakes are acceptable, he has to remember that here many see him as more human than the perception he is granted back home.
zewu-jun is righteous, is kind, is wise. zewu-jun is the first jade of lan and with that he knows better. zewu-jun holds no biases and does not fall victim to the mistakes of mere men, that is why eyes turn to him to guide and make the right choice when when he stood in a room and was not the most senior. the expectation was still there to do the right thing, to walk that tight rope of perfection and not stray from it as his brother did before he repented and rejoined the eldest jade. ]
Did I insist? [ he asks instead, shaking his head as he straightens his shoulders. ]
Newton may have been the vessel but the deceit that played out was not his own creation, nor for his benefit. He doesn't deserve altered treatment.
[ but that's not quite an answer is it? ] So I will endeavor to not let my own memories color what has happened in my home. [ there is plenty here to remind him of that. ]
no subject
Do you wish to speak on it?
no subject
he does not wish to speak of it but hiding and letting old wounds fester does no good either. ] It would help. [ it will hurt first. ]
In your world, do you have such a concept as sworn brothers?
no subject
Yes.
（ what else were he and shisui, but that? the nuance may not be exactly right, but given what he knows of the cultural similarities he and wei wuxian have discussed, it is likely similar enough to present no notable shift. ）
no subject
that means itachi may understand the pain of it, of the loss and betrayal. of the way it digs deeps and festers because the bond is not born of blood shared but out of battles fought side by side and choices made; perhaps in idealism. ]
We were called the Venerated Triad after the war. Nie Mingjue, Jin Guangyao and I. [ he'd been proud once, for the titles they bore and what good they'd done and all they planned to do. all tainted in blood now, mingjue's and guangyao's in the end but with the blood of innocents all along. more than he'd known and regretted, more added to an already painful price for decisions laid on his shoulders by circumstances of birth.
xichen thinks of the silk outer robe he'd arrived in, the sleeves of it still stained in red with a last piece of a sworn brother who had asked him to fill his vows.
'stay and die with me, brother.' ] With the war behind us, we would be able to maintain the new found peace we had all fought for. With three of the great sects bound to one another, it was not an impossible feat.
I had hoped. [ foolishly, naively. he shakes his head, calm mask fading away to reveal a troubled frown. ] Mingjue hoped to keep Meng--- Guangyao on the moral path.
no subject
the story is not.
wei wuxian carries a weight from his world — he has always suspected that lan xichen did likewise.
the trouble with peace is that it is by nature tenuous. by nature unlasting. ）
Hope often has little impact on outcome. He did not remain so, I imagine?
no subject
( but that is not true. xichen knows that.
know that there had been a time before jin guangyao was twisted by a world who looked down upon him, so gone that even xichen bringing him up to stand beside him did nothing to sate him. ) And Mingjue never had a gentle approach in trying to temper him back to it.
( they were never meant to co-exist. xichen sees it now, too many years too late. )
no subject
How badly did it devolve?
（ it. the triad, the clans. such a thing ripples outward, and the loss of powerful men often creates a vacuum. trying to contain it... given what he knows from wei wuxian, he doubts it ended well. ）
no subject
( with him pleading for xichen to stay, to die together as they'd sword in that oath. only to push him away in the end, not allow a coward's ending after pulling everything xichen had ever known out from underneath his feet. )
no subject
（ in fact, to have driven a man like xichen to that point — it was probably a great deal more than deserved. he is patient and careful, and knows to keep the peace, how precious it is, how hard-fought.
he studies the glint of the sunlight on water. it has never escaped him, how true to life this place is, the mastery it suggests. only his genjutsu, of all he's seen in his world, comes close to this. ）
no subject
Nor did it stop him from making demands or trying to lie his way out of it. ( and that was the sort of man he'd been at the end, not the man xichen had once known. ) I put my faith in the wrong man in the end.
no subject
（ there isn't a trace of weariness in how he says it. the truth is, he used that to his own advantage on more than one occasion. ）
But I understand that it is a burden to carry.
no subject
[ for himself, for others. ] In the end, I am to live with the ways we all destroyed something good.
no subject
（ it is all right to want to live. itachi shakes his head at the last, and then begins gathering up their dishes. ）
Also... it is important to remember that the longer you carry guilt, the more it poisons you. You have accepted your wrong-doing, made no excuses for it, and cannot undo it. Being subsumed by guilt serves no one now but your own damaged ego.
（ harsh words, perhaps, but they are nevertheless true. guilt is not a salve to the dead. it is neither protection nor promise. it is only an anchor. ）
no subject
( he looks up after a moment. he understands those words are those spoken by someone who knows them to be true, who has let them seep into their being and bones. there is plenty of guilt between them, the thing is how do either move forward. ) But you are right.
We can only move forward. All of us here. ( that is the biggest lesson to learn in a place where they've come to undo the regrets of the past and their guilt. the irony is not lost on him. xichen moves to help with the dishes, does not leave itachi to do it alone. )
no subject
（ he says that with a faint, self-deprecatory amusement. to move forward... how could he hope to do anything else?
they tidy in relative silence, and once all the dishes have been gathered and the area erased of all traces of their mutual presence, he gives xichen a faint incline of his head. ）
If you will excuse me.
（ and just like that, he is gone. ）