（ the fingers of his right hand spasm very faintly, perhaps nothing more than residual nerve damage from the extensive burns marring otherwise unmarked skin. ）
Yes.
（ what else were he and shisui, but that? the nuance may not be exactly right, but given what he knows of the cultural similarities he and wei wuxian have discussed, it is likely similar enough to present no notable shift. ）
that means itachi may understand the pain of it, of the loss and betrayal. of the way it digs deeps and festers because the bond is not born of blood shared but out of battles fought side by side and choices made; perhaps in idealism. ]
We were called the Venerated Triad after the war. Nie Mingjue, Jin Guangyao and I. [ he'd been proud once, for the titles they bore and what good they'd done and all they planned to do. all tainted in blood now, mingjue's and guangyao's in the end but with the blood of innocents all along. more than he'd known and regretted, more added to an already painful price for decisions laid on his shoulders by circumstances of birth.
xichen thinks of the silk outer robe he'd arrived in, the sleeves of it still stained in red with a last piece of a sworn brother who had asked him to fill his vows.
'stay and die with me, brother.' ] With the war behind us, we would be able to maintain the new found peace we had all fought for. With three of the great sects bound to one another, it was not an impossible feat.
I had hoped. [ foolishly, naively. he shakes his head, calm mask fading away to reveal a troubled frown. ] Mingjue hoped to keep Meng--- Guangyao on the moral path.
（ recounted events are revealing in a way other stories are not. he listens, in the artificial stillness of the sunshine room, knowing that the warmth across his shoulders is a lie, that the feel of the rock on which they sit is likewise.
the story is not.
wei wuxian carries a weight from his world — he has always suspected that lan xichen did likewise.
the trouble with peace is that it is by nature tenuous. by nature unlasting. ）
Hope often has little impact on outcome. He did not remain so, I imagine?
( that earns a laugh. not xichen's normal warm chuckle, a bitter sound wrung from his throat. a fast thing, sharp at it's edges. ) One cannot remain on a path one is not walking on to begin with.
( but that is not true. xichen knows that.
know that there had been a time before jin guangyao was twisted by a world who looked down upon him, so gone that even xichen bringing him up to stand beside him did nothing to sate him. ) And Mingjue never had a gentle approach in trying to temper him back to it.
( they were never meant to co-exist. xichen sees it now, too many years too late. )
（ he can surmise how events may have transpired, and it is... wearying, in a way he had not anticipated. his eyes close briefly, but whether it is in memory, commiseration or simple thought is difficult to discern. ）
How badly did it devolve?
（ it. the triad, the clans. such a thing ripples outward, and the loss of powerful men often creates a vacuum. trying to contain it... given what he knows from wei wuxian, he doubts it ended well. ）
( it takes a moment for xichen to answer and while he has shared so much of it, he has not shared one final truth with anyone here. ) It ended with my sword driven through Guangyao's chest.
( with him pleading for xichen to stay, to die together as they'd sword in that oath. only to push him away in the end, not allow a coward's ending after pulling everything xichen had ever known out from underneath his feet. )
（ in fact, to have driven a man like xichen to that point — it was probably a great deal more than deserved. he is patient and careful, and knows to keep the peace, how precious it is, how hard-fought.
he studies the glint of the sunlight on water. it has never escaped him, how true to life this place is, the mastery it suggests. only his genjutsu, of all he's seen in his world, comes close to this. ）
No. It wasn't. ( it hurt still, to do it. to break that bond and forsake that oath. ) But that made it no easier.
Nor did it stop him from making demands or trying to lie his way out of it. ( and that was the sort of man he'd been at the end, not the man xichen had once known. ) I put my faith in the wrong man in the end.
[ xichen takes a moment, glances up at the false sky above them. it is a sentiment he extends to others but is difficult to internalize in himself. ] A burden made heavier by circumstances of birth and the breadth of the consequences.
[ for himself, for others. ] In the end, I am to live with the ways we all destroyed something good.
What you have destroyed in the past has no bearing on what you may build in the future. You have the right to forgive yourself, Zewu-jun.
（ it is all right to want to live. itachi shakes his head at the last, and then begins gathering up their dishes. ）
Also... it is important to remember that the longer you carry guilt, the more it poisons you. You have accepted your wrong-doing, made no excuses for it, and cannot undo it. Being subsumed by guilt serves no one now but your own damaged ego.
（ harsh words, perhaps, but they are nevertheless true. guilt is not a salve to the dead. it is neither protection nor promise. it is only an anchor. ）
( the title ears a slight twitch of the hand, xichen has left both resting in his lap and he curls them into fists. ) Wise words I would repeat to another.
( he looks up after a moment. he understands those words are those spoken by someone who knows them to be true, who has let them seep into their being and bones. there is plenty of guilt between them, the thing is how do either move forward. ) But you are right.
We can only move forward. All of us here. ( that is the biggest lesson to learn in a place where they've come to undo the regrets of the past and their guilt. the irony is not lost on him. xichen moves to help with the dishes, does not leave itachi to do it alone. )
（ he says that with a faint, self-deprecatory amusement. to move forward... how could he hope to do anything else?
they tidy in relative silence, and once all the dishes have been gathered and the area erased of all traces of their mutual presence, he gives xichen a faint incline of his head. ）
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
he does not wish to speak of it but hiding and letting old wounds fester does no good either. ] It would help. [ it will hurt first. ]
In your world, do you have such a concept as sworn brothers?
no subject
Yes.
（ what else were he and shisui, but that? the nuance may not be exactly right, but given what he knows of the cultural similarities he and wei wuxian have discussed, it is likely similar enough to present no notable shift. ）
no subject
that means itachi may understand the pain of it, of the loss and betrayal. of the way it digs deeps and festers because the bond is not born of blood shared but out of battles fought side by side and choices made; perhaps in idealism. ]
We were called the Venerated Triad after the war. Nie Mingjue, Jin Guangyao and I. [ he'd been proud once, for the titles they bore and what good they'd done and all they planned to do. all tainted in blood now, mingjue's and guangyao's in the end but with the blood of innocents all along. more than he'd known and regretted, more added to an already painful price for decisions laid on his shoulders by circumstances of birth.
xichen thinks of the silk outer robe he'd arrived in, the sleeves of it still stained in red with a last piece of a sworn brother who had asked him to fill his vows.
'stay and die with me, brother.' ] With the war behind us, we would be able to maintain the new found peace we had all fought for. With three of the great sects bound to one another, it was not an impossible feat.
I had hoped. [ foolishly, naively. he shakes his head, calm mask fading away to reveal a troubled frown. ] Mingjue hoped to keep Meng--- Guangyao on the moral path.
no subject
the story is not.
wei wuxian carries a weight from his world — he has always suspected that lan xichen did likewise.
the trouble with peace is that it is by nature tenuous. by nature unlasting. ）
Hope often has little impact on outcome. He did not remain so, I imagine?
no subject
( but that is not true. xichen knows that.
know that there had been a time before jin guangyao was twisted by a world who looked down upon him, so gone that even xichen bringing him up to stand beside him did nothing to sate him. ) And Mingjue never had a gentle approach in trying to temper him back to it.
( they were never meant to co-exist. xichen sees it now, too many years too late. )
no subject
How badly did it devolve?
（ it. the triad, the clans. such a thing ripples outward, and the loss of powerful men often creates a vacuum. trying to contain it... given what he knows from wei wuxian, he doubts it ended well. ）
no subject
( with him pleading for xichen to stay, to die together as they'd sword in that oath. only to push him away in the end, not allow a coward's ending after pulling everything xichen had ever known out from underneath his feet. )
no subject
（ in fact, to have driven a man like xichen to that point — it was probably a great deal more than deserved. he is patient and careful, and knows to keep the peace, how precious it is, how hard-fought.
he studies the glint of the sunlight on water. it has never escaped him, how true to life this place is, the mastery it suggests. only his genjutsu, of all he's seen in his world, comes close to this. ）
no subject
Nor did it stop him from making demands or trying to lie his way out of it. ( and that was the sort of man he'd been at the end, not the man xichen had once known. ) I put my faith in the wrong man in the end.
no subject
（ there isn't a trace of weariness in how he says it. the truth is, he used that to his own advantage on more than one occasion. ）
But I understand that it is a burden to carry.
no subject
[ for himself, for others. ] In the end, I am to live with the ways we all destroyed something good.
no subject
（ it is all right to want to live. itachi shakes his head at the last, and then begins gathering up their dishes. ）
Also... it is important to remember that the longer you carry guilt, the more it poisons you. You have accepted your wrong-doing, made no excuses for it, and cannot undo it. Being subsumed by guilt serves no one now but your own damaged ego.
（ harsh words, perhaps, but they are nevertheless true. guilt is not a salve to the dead. it is neither protection nor promise. it is only an anchor. ）
no subject
( he looks up after a moment. he understands those words are those spoken by someone who knows them to be true, who has let them seep into their being and bones. there is plenty of guilt between them, the thing is how do either move forward. ) But you are right.
We can only move forward. All of us here. ( that is the biggest lesson to learn in a place where they've come to undo the regrets of the past and their guilt. the irony is not lost on him. xichen moves to help with the dishes, does not leave itachi to do it alone. )
no subject
（ he says that with a faint, self-deprecatory amusement. to move forward... how could he hope to do anything else?
they tidy in relative silence, and once all the dishes have been gathered and the area erased of all traces of their mutual presence, he gives xichen a faint incline of his head. ）
If you will excuse me.
（ and just like that, he is gone. ）