[for a man known for serenity, for being the walking embodiment of the ideals of gusu lan, lan xichen feels like it's been years since he's felt the peace and stillness in his heart that his sect is known for; that he has cultivated, holds dear.
it has not been so long, he knows, but the whirlwind of wei wuxian's return has catalyzed a span of events that could have lasted years. it is better that it has not stretched that length of time, if wei wuxian is right, but the heaviness and dread that has seeped deep into his bones are feelings he wishes so dearly to be rid of. they are a wave that have crashed into him, washed away comforts.
it is not fair, he knows, to wish them gone. he has been so lucky, even with the hardships and loss in his life. he has had support, had been blessed enough to have mingjue and then meng yao as pillars of support. he's been lucky to know them, to be known.
but that is the problem, if what wangji believes to be true is. xichen does not trust wei wuxian wholly, will never for all that he has done, but too many things have happened for him not to need answers. so, he leaves to guanyin temple to seek his answers, to speak to the man he knows and trusts. perhaps there is reason to this.
he has not been blind to what meng yao has done throughout the years, but each action has been a response to antagonism he's faced or presented with reason. xichen would never have offered his support if he did not see the benefit, the balance. he will not brand the other man a liar, not until he has that admissions or an explanation before him. xichen hopes he gets the latter, for the accusations behind his questions are far more serious than the ones which lead a-yao to return his token.
the sight that finds him at the temple does not put him at ease; the monks are set about tasks that do not account for the maintenance or building of a temple. they lead him to where their master waits, turned away.
and when he turns, xichen's heart skips. this is his sworn bother, a man he knows. and yet--] A-Yao. What is all this?
[ All the things that Jin Guangyao has done up until now have lead to this moment, to him reclaiming what should have been his from the beginning. His father had never wanted anything to do with him, he understands that, but his work during Sunshot, the things he did with Lan Xichen at his side... Those things were impossible to ignore. All he had ever wanted was to have what was properly his, what had been promised to him. To have something to honour the work he had done, the things his mother had wanted for him.
It's not his fault his father was as cruel and terrible as he was. It wasn't his fault that madness overcame the world. He wanted to make the world better with his power, but in the end...
As soon as he hears Xichen's voice he drops his arms and turns around, making his way towards him. There's something desperate on his face, something that he can't hide with his own usual smile, the gentle thing he acts upon to make the world see him, want to like him, to recognise the work he puts in. Everything he has ever shared with Xichen has been pure and honest, there is no denying that, and this moment is no different. Even if the honesty will burn them to shreds he will make sure that Xichen knows how much he means.
Stepping up, he lifts his head and bows, just a little, with his smile settled in place. ]
Er-ge, I'm glad you're here. I'm making plans and it is all coming together now.
[ A wave of his hand and the attendants leave, letting the two of them stand together. He reaches out to take Xichen's hands, the same way his honoured brother had always done to him. ]
I have missed you. We've both been too busy lately, haven't we, with guests and other matters.
[ He's no fool, Xichen, nor is he blind to Wangji's devotion to Wei Wuxian. ]
[since meng yao came to cloud recess to return the token xichen had given him, they've been on borrowed time. xichen knows this, recognizes it with every fiber of his being. his mind is well aware of it, now that the pieces have been put together and he's seen the torn pages from the book which housed the songs of torment.
he knows.
he simply needs to know why. what reason, what could this possibly amount to that will not end in ruin now? will the answer lead them down another path? how many times has he blindly followed, thinking that he was walking at the man's side?
yet his heart is foolish, it clings to the memories shared with one another. it wishes to return to moments shared in private chambers, through words spoken from the depths of his soul. the picture painted by both wei wuxian and his brother is not one he knows. is not one he wishes to know, even as it stands in front of him.
it's that part of him that lets meng yao take his hands, even though there's hesitation there as he nearly pulls them away. the touch is familiar, a twisted thing now as suspicions plague him. he keeps his face neutral then, does not offer the normal soft and warm smile that he'd offer in greeting.] And what plans are you making? [he swallows, letting his gaze sweep around the temple.] What has kept you busy? [because the other's words show that he's well aware that xichen has kept company he is not fond of.]
A great many things, but they shouldn't keep me busy much longer.
[ Jin Guangyao is no fool and he is aware of the dangerous position that he's in; with Wei Wuxian so close to tripping over the edges of his plans and cutting the ropes of them just as they're finalised... It's something he cannot tolerate. He needs to see this to completion, needs to ensure that nothing can go wrong, so that everything he has wanted is in place.
The fact that Lan Xichen has come to him so easily is a burden off his shoulders, and all he can do is offer that same pretty smile that he has given a thousand times before, lifting his head to look at his honoured brother properly once more. Their hands are soft as they touch, his fingers idly brushing over a knuckle. It feels right, to have Xichen here, just as it had felt right to allow Nie Mingjue to fall to madness.
Right and wrong, all at once. That is the life that Jin Guangyao had chosen to live for his vengeance.
Lifting himself up a little, as if to close the gap between them in his earnestness, Jin Guangyao shakes his head and tries to offer an aura of calm, collected happiness, feeling completed with his sworn brother back in his gaze - and in his web, unable to escape. ]
I was simply building a temple to honour my mother.
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it has not been so long, he knows, but the whirlwind of wei wuxian's return has catalyzed a span of events that could have lasted years. it is better that it has not stretched that length of time, if wei wuxian is right, but the heaviness and dread that has seeped deep into his bones are feelings he wishes so dearly to be rid of. they are a wave that have crashed into him, washed away comforts.
it is not fair, he knows, to wish them gone. he has been so lucky, even with the hardships and loss in his life. he has had support, had been blessed enough to have mingjue and then meng yao as pillars of support. he's been lucky to know them, to be known.
but that is the problem, if what wangji believes to be true is. xichen does not trust wei wuxian wholly, will never for all that he has done, but too many things have happened for him not to need answers. so, he leaves to guanyin temple to seek his answers, to speak to the man he knows and trusts. perhaps there is reason to this.
he has not been blind to what meng yao has done throughout the years, but each action has been a response to antagonism he's faced or presented with reason. xichen would never have offered his support if he did not see the benefit, the balance. he will not brand the other man a liar, not until he has that admissions or an explanation before him. xichen hopes he gets the latter, for the accusations behind his questions are far more serious than the ones which lead a-yao to return his token.
the sight that finds him at the temple does not put him at ease; the monks are set about tasks that do not account for the maintenance or building of a temple. they lead him to where their master waits, turned away.
and when he turns, xichen's heart skips. this is his sworn bother, a man he knows. and yet--] A-Yao. What is all this?
no subject
It's not his fault his father was as cruel and terrible as he was. It wasn't his fault that madness overcame the world. He wanted to make the world better with his power, but in the end...
As soon as he hears Xichen's voice he drops his arms and turns around, making his way towards him. There's something desperate on his face, something that he can't hide with his own usual smile, the gentle thing he acts upon to make the world see him, want to like him, to recognise the work he puts in. Everything he has ever shared with Xichen has been pure and honest, there is no denying that, and this moment is no different. Even if the honesty will burn them to shreds he will make sure that Xichen knows how much he means.
Stepping up, he lifts his head and bows, just a little, with his smile settled in place. ]
Er-ge, I'm glad you're here. I'm making plans and it is all coming together now.
[ A wave of his hand and the attendants leave, letting the two of them stand together. He reaches out to take Xichen's hands, the same way his honoured brother had always done to him. ]
I have missed you. We've both been too busy lately, haven't we, with guests and other matters.
[ He's no fool, Xichen, nor is he blind to Wangji's devotion to Wei Wuxian. ]
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he knows.
he simply needs to know why. what reason, what could this possibly amount to that will not end in ruin now? will the answer lead them down another path? how many times has he blindly followed, thinking that he was walking at the man's side?
yet his heart is foolish, it clings to the memories shared with one another. it wishes to return to moments shared in private chambers, through words spoken from the depths of his soul. the picture painted by both wei wuxian and his brother is not one he knows. is not one he wishes to know, even as it stands in front of him.
it's that part of him that lets meng yao take his hands, even though there's hesitation there as he nearly pulls them away. the touch is familiar, a twisted thing now as suspicions plague him. he keeps his face neutral then, does not offer the normal soft and warm smile that he'd offer in greeting.] And what plans are you making? [he swallows, letting his gaze sweep around the temple.] What has kept you busy? [because the other's words show that he's well aware that xichen has kept company he is not fond of.]
no subject
[ Jin Guangyao is no fool and he is aware of the dangerous position that he's in; with Wei Wuxian so close to tripping over the edges of his plans and cutting the ropes of them just as they're finalised... It's something he cannot tolerate. He needs to see this to completion, needs to ensure that nothing can go wrong, so that everything he has wanted is in place.
The fact that Lan Xichen has come to him so easily is a burden off his shoulders, and all he can do is offer that same pretty smile that he has given a thousand times before, lifting his head to look at his honoured brother properly once more. Their hands are soft as they touch, his fingers idly brushing over a knuckle. It feels right, to have Xichen here, just as it had felt right to allow Nie Mingjue to fall to madness.
Right and wrong, all at once. That is the life that Jin Guangyao had chosen to live for his vengeance.
Lifting himself up a little, as if to close the gap between them in his earnestness, Jin Guangyao shakes his head and tries to offer an aura of calm, collected happiness, feeling completed with his sworn brother back in his gaze - and in his web, unable to escape. ]
I was simply building a temple to honour my mother.