It's been difficult for him to be otherwise; the way that he cultivates has always been something dangerous, something that burns through him and leaves him something of a husk on the inside. That hasn't changed over the last few months, even with the realisation that so many things have changed and are going wrong, the knowledge that he has been fighting against what feels like an impossible foe. Xichen's belief in people is as strong as Mingjue's desire for justice, and there's no escaping that.
Discussing Meng Yao has become a new trigger for him, and it burns inside of him in an angry, irritated way, because he wants to be proven right.
He has been trying to force Meng Yao back onto the path of righteousness with sheer strength of will, but none of it had worked. He knows that his partner - beyond brother, no matter what the world thinks - still has faith in Meng Yao, had been teaching him so that he could help with Mingjue's anger, but none of it feels right. Nothing feels right inside of him; there's a knot inside of him that feels as though it's being pulled out of him.
It's not to say that he's been avoiding Xichen since some of his own anger and frustration has burned through him, but he has not been making it easy, either. He's hurt and angry, feeling on the brink of betrayal despite the fact that he knows just how warm and kind Xichen is. His advisors and elders are breathing down his neck about settling down and making things comfortable, of what Qinghe Nie needs to do next to stay on the main stage, and he feels overwhelmed.
All of it is giving him a headache.
When he storms out of his offices and back to his chambers he pushes open the door with a sharp snap. When he steps in and sees Xichen he freezes in the frame, his eyes narrowing for a moment - and it looks like he is ready to immediately turn around and walk in the other direction. ]
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It's been difficult for him to be otherwise; the way that he cultivates has always been something dangerous, something that burns through him and leaves him something of a husk on the inside. That hasn't changed over the last few months, even with the realisation that so many things have changed and are going wrong, the knowledge that he has been fighting against what feels like an impossible foe. Xichen's belief in people is as strong as Mingjue's desire for justice, and there's no escaping that.
Discussing Meng Yao has become a new trigger for him, and it burns inside of him in an angry, irritated way, because he wants to be proven right.
He has been trying to force Meng Yao back onto the path of righteousness with sheer strength of will, but none of it had worked. He knows that his partner - beyond brother, no matter what the world thinks - still has faith in Meng Yao, had been teaching him so that he could help with Mingjue's anger, but none of it feels right. Nothing feels right inside of him; there's a knot inside of him that feels as though it's being pulled out of him.
It's not to say that he's been avoiding Xichen since some of his own anger and frustration has burned through him, but he has not been making it easy, either. He's hurt and angry, feeling on the brink of betrayal despite the fact that he knows just how warm and kind Xichen is. His advisors and elders are breathing down his neck about settling down and making things comfortable, of what Qinghe Nie needs to do next to stay on the main stage, and he feels overwhelmed.
All of it is giving him a headache.
When he storms out of his offices and back to his chambers he pushes open the door with a sharp snap. When he steps in and sees Xichen he freezes in the frame, his eyes narrowing for a moment - and it looks like he is ready to immediately turn around and walk in the other direction. ]