[ It should make things easier, being wrapped up in Xichen's arms, and most of the time it does. Most of the time Jiang Cheng can shake off his doubts and his pain and his uncertainty and curl up and feel content, but this time the nightmare was too real. This time it bites at him, gnaws at his gut and spine and makes him feel smaller than a child.
None of this has ever been easy; easiness left his life when he was a young boy, when his parents were slaughtered in front of him. The idea of Wei Wuxian doing this to him - for him - and keeping it a secret is so obvious and natural because he had done the same thing: he hadn't told him about being bait for the Wens. They'd both kept secrets.
This one just hurt more than all of the others.
Shaking his head, he breathes out a sharp, little noise, pained and upset. ]
I couldn't do anything. Nothing I have done has ever been because of me. My core, my strength... It isn't mine.
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None of this has ever been easy; easiness left his life when he was a young boy, when his parents were slaughtered in front of him. The idea of Wei Wuxian doing this to him - for him - and keeping it a secret is so obvious and natural because he had done the same thing: he hadn't told him about being bait for the Wens. They'd both kept secrets.
This one just hurt more than all of the others.
Shaking his head, he breathes out a sharp, little noise, pained and upset. ]
I couldn't do anything. Nothing I have done has ever been because of me. My core, my strength... It isn't mine.