[ it is not the first time either of them has been to it, the memorial that stands hidden behind a thicket of trees in the sunlight room; only, they've not crossed paths before, instead each coming to incense burning that the other had set up.
it is not unexpected, then, that this time their visits coincide. the start of it passes in silence, as both huaisang and xichen pay their respects to nie mingjue... but then, after a moment, huaisang speaks, his voice the slightest bit shaky. ]
Do you think there will ever come a day I won't miss him, Xichen-ge? [ it's rhetorical, of course; huaisang knows very well a day like that will never be. he breathes in, out. decides to say nothing more; and yet, words escape him, a quiet murmur of something that is not a lost little brother mourning for his older brother, but laced with something sharp, poisonous. ]
... it's not fair. [ what a childish notion, that: fair. so many things in life are anything but fair, and most of them, huaisang will not lift his finger about... but this? this is more than "not fair". that the worlds keep turning after nie mingjue no longer draws breath is an injustice. ]
[ it was only a matter of time before he was caught here, xichen thinks. it has never been an impossibility that it would be by huaisang, who had the bravery to set a memorial up when xichen could not bring himself to even as he mourned continuously; mourned with new knowledge and guilt.
the incense he has lit is half burned, he normally waits to speak and leave until it has burned through but he will not disrespect huaisang with silence under mingjue's gaze. ]
He has your love, a-Sang, and unfortunately that means it would be a lie if I told you that day will come. [ it would also be a lie to say that it will grow any easier, especially when the truth is revealed.
he wishes to soothe, still, for hauisang is as much a little brother to him as wangji is but xichen pauses, careful, as he catches that bit of sharpness in hauisang's voice that reminds him of a sharp cry in guanyin's temple, of the way he denied it later. it's different, not the fluttering man he knows. ] No, it's not. He should be walking beside us back home.
[ not in this place, of course, never here. for mingjue is not the one with blood on his hands belonging to two sworn brothers. ]
He has more than my love, [ huaisang says quietly, eyes fixed on the portrait of his brother, at his stern features, and yet he seems to look at something beyond that simple picture. ] He has my loyalty.
[ and the loyalty of the nie is no small thing — they're known for their sharp justice, their blades that ever have dealt it for them, but also for this: they are loyal, fiercely so. huaisang's men have not always understood him, but they would follow him to the ends of the earth. it is no coincidence qinghe has stood at the edges of the cultivation world for the past ten years; not a coincidence few of their disciples have visited other sects, that the only one to continue to make appearances in conferences and outside them has been their useless sect leader, followed by his small retinue of men, always watching.
in his loyalty to his brother's legacy, huaisang has both shattered the good repute he may have had, but also protected his own. their own.
in his loyalty, there has been little he has been unwilling to do. ]
He will. [ there is no movement to him as he speaks, nothing of the little brother continually in motion, fluttering and crying and shouting and laughing, fidgeting with nerves or twirling in delight. he stands still like the mountains that surround his home; a saber would not look out of place on his back. ]
I will bring da-ge back. I don't care if I have to move mountains to do it.
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after the underwater mission;
it is not unexpected, then, that this time their visits coincide. the start of it passes in silence, as both huaisang and xichen pay their respects to nie mingjue... but then, after a moment, huaisang speaks, his voice the slightest bit shaky. ]
Do you think there will ever come a day I won't miss him, Xichen-ge? [ it's rhetorical, of course; huaisang knows very well a day like that will never be. he breathes in, out. decides to say nothing more; and yet, words escape him, a quiet murmur of something that is not a lost little brother mourning for his older brother, but laced with something sharp, poisonous. ]
... it's not fair. [ what a childish notion, that: fair. so many things in life are anything but fair, and most of them, huaisang will not lift his finger about... but this? this is more than "not fair". that the worlds keep turning after nie mingjue no longer draws breath is an injustice. ]
no subject
the incense he has lit is half burned, he normally waits to speak and leave until it has burned through but he will not disrespect huaisang with silence under mingjue's gaze. ]
He has your love, a-Sang, and unfortunately that means it would be a lie if I told you that day will come. [ it would also be a lie to say that it will grow any easier, especially when the truth is revealed.
he wishes to soothe, still, for hauisang is as much a little brother to him as wangji is but xichen pauses, careful, as he catches that bit of sharpness in hauisang's voice that reminds him of a sharp cry in guanyin's temple, of the way he denied it later. it's different, not the fluttering man he knows. ] No, it's not. He should be walking beside us back home.
[ not in this place, of course, never here. for mingjue is not the one with blood on his hands belonging to two sworn brothers. ]
no subject
[ and the loyalty of the nie is no small thing — they're known for their sharp justice, their blades that ever have dealt it for them, but also for this: they are loyal, fiercely so. huaisang's men have not always understood him, but they would follow him to the ends of the earth. it is no coincidence qinghe has stood at the edges of the cultivation world for the past ten years; not a coincidence few of their disciples have visited other sects, that the only one to continue to make appearances in conferences and outside them has been their useless sect leader, followed by his small retinue of men, always watching.
in his loyalty to his brother's legacy, huaisang has both shattered the good repute he may have had, but also protected his own. their own.
in his loyalty, there has been little he has been unwilling to do. ]
He will. [ there is no movement to him as he speaks, nothing of the little brother continually in motion, fluttering and crying and shouting and laughing, fidgeting with nerves or twirling in delight. he stands still like the mountains that surround his home; a saber would not look out of place on his back. ]
I will bring da-ge back. I don't care if I have to move mountains to do it.