Can you...feel it? [his voice is small - almost quieter than his thoughts, and it ebbs back into telepathy without much stagger.] The endless sea of despair... Is that the energy you feel?
Yes. [xichen nods, not shifting in the spot he's settled into. he offers a tired smile.] It is the panic but it not only that. There is resentment here, it feeds the despair and threatens to overwhelm everything.
[and it's done just that, hasn't it, looking at the fighting amongst their fellow orbers.]
[Blue's expression shifts with empathy. after a beat, he lifts and turns a hand palm out - a gesture of offering, but not demanding. it's a hand there to be held if needed, if it helps.]
[touch is a special thing to xichen, who comes from a sect not known for physical contact or affection in any form. he reaches for blue's hand, taking it gently.
his own is cold, he knows. he is diverting qi from it's normal pathways, from keeping him looking healthy, to remaining alive.] I fear it is affecting those who are not in tune to it as well. [their teammates are all fighting amongst themselves, after all.]
[the touch is welcome, a balm to something he did not realize he also needed soothed.]
I have seen it before. Not in myself, but in my Uncle and a sworn brother. [and oh, that is painful to think of.] I need another cultivator's assistance and if not a cultivator, someone who works with qi.
Depending on what your Psionics may do, perhaps? [xichen thinks for a moment, uncertain.] While what I ultimately need is to realign qi pathways and a transfer of energy from another, anything that helps me rest and remain calm would help.
[he will not take any of blue's energy, no but help in other areas is welcome. xichen can play for others, but it takes using his own energy to play for himself and that is counterproductive in his current state.]
[Blue's mouth purses, thinking on it. pathways for energy? it's not something Blue himself would be able to perceive: he can see avenues of thought and feeling, but not a bodily structure for them. so that's out.
but if it's a matter of rest, well...he may as well be the expert in long rests now, right?
he adjusts his hold on Xichen's hand, pressing one palm over the top of his hand, the other beneath it.]
For a little while, then... Will you let me help you? Rest. Until you can get that help you need.
[Blue's expression shifts a little, concerned, but he nods all the same.]
So long as they remain, yes. I can do this. [and he absolutely wants to. the chance to provide some real help? some real care? he'd be a fool to refuse.
[that's right. he hasn't spoken of it to Lan Xichen.]
They've begun failing. My psionics. [his eyes flicker downward.] An hour or two at a time... But so far, they have come back. An hour or two...at a time...
For how long has this been going on? [ xichen frowns, speaking aloud of out the concern he feels for blue.
to have one's powers fail in such a way, out of control, it is a terrifying thing. qi deviation can cause a similar phenomenon and he has seen that loss of control in a close friend before. he does not wish it on any one. ] Is there anything that may help? [ his hold on blue's hand tightens before he offers a gentle squeeze. ]
[the pressure doesn't hurt. it's coming from a place of concern, of kindness...and though Blue can lament having become cause for concern at all, he's grateful. grateful for his friendship and care.
it's also the care of a brother, right? it's what Xichen assured he was now, given the ribbon still wound around his own wrist.]
What helps is...being assured of reality. When it happens. That disorienting silence...it was bearable in Scorpion's Bend because I could still sense you all. But when all goes quiet...it's hard to know if I am awake or dreaming.
[ xichen watches him carefully, brows furrowed but soothed by the answer. if it takes assuring blue what is real and what is around him, he will do his best to provide just that.
he is not unfamiliar with friends, with brothers teetering on the edge of free fall into a world not grounded in reality. mingjue was doomed in this, pushed over the edge by means xichen unknowingly allowed. ] Then I will do my best to remind you what is real.
I -- The songs I play, Clarity, are meant to calm and bring back those lost in their mind to the present. It cannot help with returning your powers, but I can offer that when I am well. [ a pause. ] If I myself have not... [ he shakes his head, cutting off the thought. ] Your illness progressed to such a point then? I am sorry... I-- I did not realize. [ that is a brother's failure, a falling short he knows too painfully. he will not allow it again, not with blue. ]
[as Xichen's flow of thought begins to falter with guilt, Blue squeezes at his hand to reground him.]
There is nothing you could have done, noticing sooner or later. This is the price I'm paying for Sabriel's efforts in keeping me alive; my own failings in Scorpion's Bend are to blame.
And even if it didn't have the magic you imbue, I would still listen to your music. That in of itself has power.
Is... are there other effects? [ he worries what may have been done, even if he knows it was not flippantly considered.
he takes a moment to consider the mu's words, watches him for a moment before he is soothed. he offers a smile, a tired one. ] Then I will play for you in any form.
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[and it's done just that, hasn't it, looking at the fighting amongst their fellow orbers.]
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I know. I can feel it, too.
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his own is cold, he knows. he is diverting qi from it's normal pathways, from keeping him looking healthy, to remaining alive.] I fear it is affecting those who are not in tune to it as well. [their teammates are all fighting amongst themselves, after all.]
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Has such a thing happened before? And...what is it that helps you?
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I have seen it before. Not in myself, but in my Uncle and a sworn brother. [and oh, that is painful to think of.] I need another cultivator's assistance and if not a cultivator, someone who works with qi.
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he wouldn't be himself if he didn't try, though.]
Is there anything which could be done...by way of psionics? For your sake, we may need to be creative in this place.
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[he will not take any of blue's energy, no but help in other areas is welcome. xichen can play for others, but it takes using his own energy to play for himself and that is counterproductive in his current state.]
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but if it's a matter of rest, well...he may as well be the expert in long rests now, right?
he adjusts his hold on Xichen's hand, pressing one palm over the top of his hand, the other beneath it.]
For a little while, then... Will you let me help you? Rest. Until you can get that help you need.
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he hesitates only for a moment.] Would your Psionics keep nightmares at bay?
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So long as they remain, yes. I can do this. [and he absolutely wants to. the chance to provide some real help? some real care? he'd be a fool to refuse.
he just hopes his power doesn't betray him.]
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he will not refuse the help and he hopes that blue can feel it, but he does not want it to be at his detriment.]
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[that's right. he hasn't spoken of it to Lan Xichen.]
They've begun failing. My psionics. [his eyes flicker downward.] An hour or two at a time... But so far, they have come back. An hour or two...at a time...
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to have one's powers fail in such a way, out of control, it is a terrifying thing. qi deviation can cause a similar phenomenon and he has seen that loss of control in a close friend before. he does not wish it on any one. ] Is there anything that may help? [ his hold on blue's hand tightens before he offers a gentle squeeze. ]
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it's also the care of a brother, right? it's what Xichen assured he was now, given the ribbon still wound around his own wrist.]
What helps is...being assured of reality. When it happens. That disorienting silence...it was bearable in Scorpion's Bend because I could still sense you all. But when all goes quiet...it's hard to know if I am awake or dreaming.
...That's when it started. After we returned.
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he is not unfamiliar with friends, with brothers teetering on the edge of free fall into a world not grounded in reality. mingjue was doomed in this, pushed over the edge by means xichen unknowingly allowed. ] Then I will do my best to remind you what is real.
I -- The songs I play, Clarity, are meant to calm and bring back those lost in their mind to the present. It cannot help with returning your powers, but I can offer that when I am well. [ a pause. ] If I myself have not... [ he shakes his head, cutting off the thought. ] Your illness progressed to such a point then? I am sorry... I-- I did not realize. [ that is a brother's failure, a falling short he knows too painfully. he will not allow it again, not with blue. ]
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There is nothing you could have done, noticing sooner or later. This is the price I'm paying for Sabriel's efforts in keeping me alive; my own failings in Scorpion's Bend are to blame.
And even if it didn't have the magic you imbue, I would still listen to your music. That in of itself has power.
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he takes a moment to consider the mu's words, watches him for a moment before he is soothed. he offers a smile, a tired one. ] Then I will play for you in any form.
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Rest. For now.
I can do it, surely. Keep the nightmares at bay...for a little while.
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I know you can. [ if not for long, for a little while.
the willingness to do it is what matters, that warms xichen's heart and brings a grateful smile to his lips. ]